Wasteman #4 – The One Who Refuses to Give You a Title

If there’s anything worse than a guy who forever makes you empty promises then the guy that refuses to give you title is definitely on the same level of wasteman-ism.

Whether this guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship from the beginning or tells you half way through the courtship he’s not ready for a relationship the two situations are equally as aggravating.

If a guy is treating you like his girl or he is expecting you to do things a girlfriend should do but he hasn’t made it official between you two – its very unlikely that he will eventually give you that title.

From experience & what other girls have told me, I’ve noticed a pattern. Its usually if you are a girl he’s dating just after he has come out of a long term relationship. You may not necessarily be a rebound like, but after a bad breakup a guy is usually reluctant to jump back on the monogamy wagon. Especially if he was with his ex for a few years. Don’t be offended – it takes a lot to jump back on that train & if he’s not ready you should give him time. If he isn’t being very responsive and seems distant he probably still misses his ex and there’s a good chance you could be a rebound like.

However if he swears he is offer his ex and he is taking you out on dates, wining & dining you, speaking to you everyday. Good morning & good night texts or phonecalls & he starts making demands like asking you too cook him food, massages, borrow money… Don’t be the stupid girl that gives him all the privileges a man receives from a girlfriend and not demand a title. He can use the wordsmith in him & make you feel like you should do these things. Here’s a few excuses he might throw around

– its just a title, its about what he have babe
– I’m scared of commitment
– I just got out of a bad relationship
– I thought you were okay with what we had
– I don’t want to ruin our friendship

For anyone reading this & nodding in agreement with the first bullet point let me explain the importance of The Title to a female. I agree that the relationship isn’t about the title of being girlfriend and boyfriend or husband and wife. Its about how you interact with eachother and naturally the best relationships are those born out of friendship. However a relationship is all about give and take. A woman needs to be respected and giving her a title is a way of showing that you respect her. Unless you have already agreed that you want to be friends with benefits and don’t want to put a label on the thing you have going on, so be it. But if you are taking a girl out, sleeping with her & expecting her to cater to your needs its only fair you show her the respect she deserves.

Let me give you an example from my own life. There’s was a guy I was seeing for the first half of last year and through the summer before I started university. I had been seeing him for a while and at one point he was the only person I went to go and see. I lost contact with most of my friends and acquaintances (though out of personal choice) & when people used to see us together all the time they naturally assumed we were in a relationship. It was so embarrassing when people used to ask me, is that your man, & I would reply no. It is humiliating to give all your time and effort to one person and treat them like they are your man when he hasn’t made it official. Even his friends thought we were a couple. & after 4 months when I asked him if we were – he replied he wasn’t ready to give me such a title. Having waited and waited it began to bother me that he was treating me like I was exclusively his and vice versa. He even met my mother & rest of my family. Finally when it was time for me to move to the other side of the country he became Mr. Why are you leaving me. I wasn’t going to wait around and hope for something that may never happen and jeopardise my own happiness and path in life.

How To Spot Him

I think from reading as much as you have so far you should have a good clue of what the characteristics of this type of man are. He is an opportunist that would rather keep you monogamous to him but not make it official. That way if he sleeps with another girl you have no right to cuss him out and slash his tyres.

Being with a man like this can be difficult. he leaves with no ground to stand on and may cause you to become insecure about yourself. Soon enough you’ll find yourself question “what’s wrong with me” as if its your fault he thinks he’s a clever so & so. If you don’t care about a title (& I will say, I thought I didn’t at first but after a while it does start to gnaw at you) then this is the man for you. He won’t necessarily treat you wrong but he can always up & leave with no strings attached any time he likes.

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Wasteman #3 – The Wordsmith

he wordsmith is one of the most cunning type of wasteman & one that can make YOU feel as if you are in the wrong. Although most men are all talk & no walk this wasteman has perfected the art of sculpting words with his mouth & telling a female what he thinks she wants to hear.

A key element of what it takes to be a player: a wordsmith will make you feel like you are the one & only, if there’s ever a problem in the relationship, will make you feel as if you are the one that caused the problem, & his worst crime to the females species is that he will forever deliver you empty promises. He will always find an excuse if he promised to take you out or buy you something. The most aggravating trait is that if you notice this about him and you call him out about it, he will play innocent & worst of all you have no evidence for his snakey ways because after all, he’s all talk.

How To Spot Him

Look out for someone who makes outrageous statements that make your heart melt very early on in the courtship. It’s alright if it’s every now & then but if it happens almost every conversation or everytime you meet there’s a good chance he’s a wordsmith. Also, if he seems to share your opinion on everything but never backs up his claims or dwells deeper than generic ideas about the topic at hand. A key trait of a wordsmith is that he knows a little of everything but very rarely deep knowledge about another thing.

A wordsmith is a pain to be with because he will never be able to physically or materially give you what you want. Call it shallow but even for a girl who isn’t very high maintenance this can become very irritating. It would be alright if he never offered, but the thing about the wordsmith is that he will OFFER you the whole world on a diamond pleated platter served exactly the way you like it but will never deliver. They are one of the most selfish type of people & will not only use their charm & charisma with the ladies but in every walk of life. At work he will most likely be in a role of high status, attained through very little secretion of sweat and blood, & will usually be in a role of delegation. However he is not limited to this. He could also be a local bartender or work at Schuh.

A snakey man deserves a snakey female, so if you feel like you are equally as selfish or feel like you are independent enough to not take his empty promises to heart then he could just be right for you

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Wasteman #2 – The Ambitionless

So yesterday I talked about The Doubter, a seemingly harmless version of a stalker that can turn ugly. However, some girls can put up with a doubter – they can find their over-clingy & over-protectiveness as romantic. However, there is one set back.. Doubters have a tendency to also come under the category of the Ambition-less.

When most women are asked what qualities they like in a man, ambition is usually one of them. Ambition doesn’t have to mean that your man is aspiring to be an astronaut or an 8 figure lawyer, as long as his ambition seems practical and reasonable this should do.

Let me give an example of The Ambition-less from my own personal experience. I was seeing a guy who was 2 years older than me, when I was at high school, he was at college doing BTEC IT.. By the time I started college, he had left college, got his IT qualification – and decided he wanted to go to college again and pursue his real passion… Acting. Fair enough at this point, he had some ambition in him however this is where it stopped. I don’t know whether he tried to get into an acting school after completing another two years of college or get into uni, but after college that was it. He worked at Next for a while and now works 3 hours a day at Iceland. He still wants to be an actor but he doesn’t do much other than help his friends that still go to college with some of their projects. But this next point is what tipped me over the edge – he says “He doesn’t want to be bait”. (bait: (adj.) Known by everyone) I was confused – I asked him how can he want to be an actor and not want to be bait. He replied, he wants to be bait among white people.

Some might be reading at this point and be confused about why the guy I’m talking about is ambition-less. His “dream” is not practical and before we got back together he was sitting at home while I was at uni & when we started speaking again he started job hunting.

Fair enough I was one of the reasons he started doing something again, but that is not enough.  I don’t want to be the reason for your motivation, your own ambitions should be the reason for your motivations.

How To Spot Him

An ambitionless guy is the easiest to spot. Even if he doesn’t have a career plan in his mind he should still be working on a something. Remember, ambition doesn’t necessarily mean being driven towards money. He can be in poetry, photography, volunteering, anything.

Why is an ambitionless guy a wasteman? This is quite a self explanatory but for those of you who want confirmation for your thoughts… An ambitionless guy will bring you down. More often than n0t if you want to do something in life he may support you with it, but if he is constantly not doing anything this can have an affect on you. For example if you end up living with him you may end up being too busy to spend quality time with him and you may start making room in your schedule to make up for lost time.

You must also be careful. An ambitionless guy can fool you into thinking he has something going on. He will woo you with his words and this particular kind of guy I like to call.. The Wordsmith.

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Wasteman #1 – The Doubter

To kick start my new “feature” im going to be writing about I will start with a type of man I like to call “the doubter”.
I’ve been having a lot of doubters coming into my life recently and here is what I mean by that.

This is the type of the guy that is insecure about whether he is good enough for you. Almost like a stalker, a doubter will always overthink and over re-act to things you do, how you say them AND your omissions. To some girls it can be quite intense and you may feel like you are being backed into a corner and things may get too serious very early.

In extreme cases you may feel threatened as he can sometimes go to some crazy lengths to do stuff. Apart from being insecure about being good enough for you, he will also feel he needs to try extra hard to prove himself to you. Simply saying “I love you too” won’t silence him. He’ll start to think that you are just saying it to keep him happy.

This type of guy is grossly romantic and may sometimes seem suffocating and scary. He’s the type of guy to watch you sleep, ALL night – & not in the sweet romantic way, but he will be up all night thinking “oh my goodness, I don’t deserve this girl”…

He’s also quite immature when it comes to relationship and will assume that if things aren’t always happy and cheerful, it means you hate him or you want to end the relationship. Even if this isn’t the case (which in the beginning I’m assuming it wouldn’t be), his incessant nagging and pleading will drive you to the edge and cause a break up. Which won’t help much either because then he will assume that you were just planning to do it all along.

He can’t see what is wrong with his behaviour and this is what makes him a wasteman… He will think he is being the sort of gentleman every woman desires and that he is offering you the whole world on a silver platter, which you are showing very little appreciation for. If you do eventually leave him, or one day snap and tell him about himself he will feel deeply offended and try to make you feel like you are the one being irrational.

How do you spot him?

look out for signs such as constantly asking for reassurance very early in the relationship or during dating. This is usually a very good indicator. Also, another subtle inclination of this sort of behaviour is a longing for very dramatic text or phone conversations in early stages of dating/relationships.

Personally, I put up with a doubter for a few years (3 to be exact) and I may have stuck with him because I didn’t mind it too much, until it got obsessive.. Calling me at 2am during exam season to complain that we didn’t talk enough turned into a very scary situation. But I will respect him and not go into too much detail.. Yet.

You may be able to put up with a doubter however in my particular situation it turned out that he was also under the category of “The Ambitionless”

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

One Lovely Blog Award

One Lovely Blog Award

Explicit Cognitions was just nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award. how awesome is that?

the award rules are:

1]  thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog(s):

i would like to thank Katrina Marie for nominating me and showing such keen interest in my blog.
http://katrinamarieimages.com/

2]  list seven random things about yourself:

1) I love pretzels

2) My first language isn’t English, it’s German, but I lost it when I learnt English

3) I’m half Nigerian, half German

4) I’ve lived on both hemispheres of the world: Germany, New Zealand; and now England

5) I can sing, but I don’t like to boast about it

6) I have an unhealthy obsession with pokemon

7) I didn’t know what the word virgin meant I came to England when I was 13…

3] nominate 15 other blogs:

1) http://diaryofaquirkygirl.wordpress.com/

2) http://shutupdad.wordpress.com/

3) http://iammrexposed.com/

4) http://politicsandfashionblog.com/

5) http://yasmincruz.me/

6) http://rebelliousarticles.wordpress.com/

7) http://ellayourbella.wordpress.com/

8) http://jayokanmi.wordpress.com/

9) http://elladecember.wordpress.com/

10) http://heyfranhey.com/

11) http://youngblackandvegan.tumblr.com/

12) http://dgem69.tumblr.com/

13) http://sunmonucm16.wordpress.com/

14) http://www.vexinthecity.co.uk/

15) http://katrinamarieimages.com

4]  notify the fifteen nominees

5] put the award logo on your blog