The complete guide to walking away…

The complete guide to walking away…

walking away“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

In  the words of Kelly Clarkson, I’m  looking for attention, not another question – should you stay or should you go? If you dont have the answer why are you still standing here? JUST WALK AWAY!

Every girl has been in a situation where she’s not sure how to cut a guy off that she knows is not good company to keep. Too often women find themselves with a man that does not deserve or respect them, yet they still hang around hoping they will change. If you’ve read any of my posts from the series, 50 shades of Wastemen, you should know by now a leopard never changes his spots.

Women seem to place a responsibility upon themselves to be a mother to their lover – they want to guide and mould them into the man they desire. And most of the time this plan fails. The only thing you can do is bring out the qualities in a man that are already there, but you cannot add or remove characteristics. A man is not a gadget, smartphone, or blank slate. Everyone comes with their own baggage and if you cant handle the baggage, leave. No one is forcing you to stay.

This is where the problem arises. And there are more than one. Originally I was going to make one long blog post, but I realised it would have been way too long. So this is an introduction. Although there are many problem when it comes to letting someone go there is one point I think applies to all woman. And it is this.

No relationship can be built firmly if the foundation is not firm. What do I mean by this?
You may think the foundation is how you meet, or if there was a spark..This is not what I am referring to.
You are the foundation. If you haven’t found yourself and understand yourself at a basic level, how can you understand anyone elses needs. When we were younger our parents warned us not to start dating too early. It wasn’t because they were being overprotective, it was because they didn’t want you to get bored.

If you are experiencing heartache from a young age over and over, by the time you’re 22 and you’ve been dating for almost a decade, what do you think will happen to you? You will get bored of the dating scene. You’re going to feel as if time is running out and start seeking to initiate more serious relationships. Auditioning husbands but at the same time your still so young. Even if you do find love young, and you get married and have kids at a very young age, if you didn’t give yourself time to be youthful and learn how to be happy ON YOUR OWN. if your perfect relationship were to dishevel you are left with nothing. My friends mother got married young and she was born after her parents were married, her mum was a perfect housewife, but when she was young they divorced and her mother, now 40-something, dates casually and goes club hopping with 20 year olds. Is this what you want for yourself? Allow yourself to have fun, dont make relationships too serious. Even if you think that person is the one, if it is meant to be, it will be.

With all this being said, we also deceive ourselves into thinking someone is the right guy. All the signs can be there, but our lack of self love and ability to make ourselves happy blinds us. Fear of not having any attention or the tediousness of talking to a whole new person can seem daunting, but if someone is not good for your life they need to be cut off.

I will try, every week to write a new post for each situation, whether its you’ve just met someone and dont know how to judge whether to walk away or be patient, OR if you’re already in love with the person and are finding a hard time letting them go – stay tuned. I’ll be updating my twitter and instagram with the new posts so you can also follow me on there.  @msschwann is the username for both.

Thanks for reading guys,

leave your thoughts below.

Advertisements

Short hair don’t care, Long hair don’t care… Please, stfu.

Short hair don’t care, Long hair don’t care… Please, stfu.

All this bickering and palava over something that grows out of the top of your noggin. Short hair, long hair – but no one ever considers that awkward phase of having medium length hair. Short hair styles can be very nice, but once your edgy hair starts to grow out of its uber stylish cut you are in a very awkward position.. Grow your hair out (a very long winded process) or cut it again.

The problem with short hair is that although it can suit everyone, its a matter of finding a style that suits you and your personality, face shape etcetera etcetera. It also takes a lot of confidence in yourself to rock a short hair style or even medium length hair. Females seem to think that the length of your hair defines your sexuality and/or femininity/masculinity – it doesn’t.

So, what is the point of this post? Really and truly its for everyone, but its for those people who are in that awkward phase of having a hair length that you’re not used to or don’t like. I know particularly in the black community hair growth seems to be a major issue, but really an truly, its not that black/afro hair doesn’t grow as fast, its because of the texture it grows out in makes it seem shorter and you’ve not been protecting your ends so they break this can make your hair seem like it hasn’t grown as much. You could have grown an inch but lost half an inch on your ends and with the shrinkage as well, it can be very disheartening. Length retention is the key. But let me not get sidetracked.

The most awkward thing about styling medium length hair is that usually its too short to do certain hairstyles and too long for others. Rather than looking for someone else to follow and copy be your own inspiration, play around with your hair and come up with your own styles. Be a trend setter. What’s growing out of your head isn’t the same as what’s growing out of Sarah, Chantelle or Victorias head.

On another note, guys with long hair. Guys don’t have the issue of short vs. medium vs. long, once it starts to grow past your ears, that s*** is long. Personally I think guys with long hair, whether their black, white, asian, hispanic, oriental, whatever, are hot. But then again its all about preference. If you’re a guy with long hair don’t be discouraged if a girl turns you down because your hair is long – it just means she wasn’t the one for you. Find what suits you and the right girl for YOU will come.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

You’re Fat so You’re Ugly.

You’re Fat so You’re Ugly.
girlwithcurves.tumblr.com

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lords works are wonderful & if you didn’t know that, now you do. But seriously, pretty doesnt equal skinny. Neither does skinny mean healthy.. It seems to be that people are obsessed with image more than ever, with the internet bombarding us with so many images – it is difficult to be confident in yourself these days.

Let me make one thing clear, the word “fat” seems to have been associated with being a derogatory term. On the contrary, it is just a descriptive word. So throughout this post, do not take it as derogatory, but fat is fat is fat. I’m not a sugar coater.

Although the term big boned seems to be an excuse for fat people to be the way they are, it does seem to hold some truth. Take my mother for example, she has always been quite chubby since she was little. To this day, she has always been size 16+ (UK Size) and has never been skinny EVER. I remember she tried everything under the sun to lose the weight, which included a point in my life where I remember being carted to different gyms in Germany, staying in the daycare section while my mum spend hours at a time, doing classes and using all the different machines you could think of. She’s tried every diet under the sun but if she did lose the weight, she would always put it back on when she stopped.

This is the problem – diets don’t work for this simple reason. You alter your diet and what you’re used to eating your body is no longer getting, when you go on a diet, yes you can lose weight, but as soon as your happy with how much weight you’ve lost, you go back to your old food habits and the weight just piles back on again. You can count calories until your face turns blue but it is not a long term solution.

Another problem with diets is that you usually don’t enjoy them. You’re restricting the foods you like and this is just going to put you in a bad mood. If you’re going to diet successfully, its going to have to be something that you’re happy with doing for the rest of your life. Not in a weight loss fashion, but after you’ve lost the weight, you cant go back to what you’re used to eating.

I also have a bone to pick with calories. Calories don’t equal fat, calories are energy. Calories are like your fuel for the day and having too little of them can give you bad mood swings and less energy than you’re used to. If your body is used to eating 3000-4000 calories a day and you suddenly switch to having  just over 1000 calories a day this can be very dangerous. If you want to lose weight, focus on the fat content of your food rather than the calories.

People have been conditioned to count calories and rather than doing us good, we are starving our bodies of energy and weakening brain functioning, making us easier to manipulate. Its a dangerous cycle. You’re going to spend less time thinking about your actions because you’re brain doesn’t have enough energy and you’re going to passively absorb what you see. All those hours harmlessly scrolling down on Tumblr can be very damaging for your self-esteem. Do you see it?

But enough about that, this is what I want to get at. Some people are naturally big – if its how God intended it to be, let it be. Think about is like the natural hair thing. If you’re naturally slim, work with it. If you’re naturally fat, work with it. There are so many blogs popping up for how to dress to your body shape.

I understand that there is a problem of obesity nowadays. Fair enough, exercise and lose an extra baggage that is clearly not meant to be there, but don’t aim to be a size 8 if you’ve always been a size 14+. The message that you can be healthy at any weight is not said enough, but seriously, work with what you have. I can go into details about how we’ve been brainwashed into thinking thin equals healthy and how they try to use evolution to back it up, but I will be hear all day and frankly, I don’t have time.

rant over.

p.s, this is what aggravated me & inspired me to write this post.

The issue of weight isnt as black and white as if you’re fat lose it. Weight is harder to lose the older you get, your body also tries to stay the same weight it was at 18. Some people were literally born big.. Not fat but still bigger than average. I know many people who are fat who are attempting to lose the weight but there are challenges, i.e., stretch marks & horrendous diets that usually dont work.. Just saying.. And also, just because someone is fat doesnt mean they are dirty. and another thing.. A relative of mine ballooned from a size 8 to 18 when she was put on some medication in the hospital. I dont see her often so when I saw her as big as she was I was so shocked.. She cant lose the weight because of her medication so what is she supposed to do. Stop taking her medicine & risk dying just so she can lose weight to please society, then put all the weight back on again when she starts taking her medication again… Cha. I disagree with everything Logan & Poet are saying

Are Glasses Sexy?

Are Glasses Sexy?

As a girl who wears glasses, the question “Am I good looking” seems to creep into my mind every now and then. I have been wearing glasses since I was 8 or 9 so most people I have met have always known me to wear glasses. The option to wear contacts of course is available and I do have them, but I chose to wear them on special occasions because they are so irritating. They dry your eyes out and I always seem to have problems when it comes to taking them out. I’m not ashamed to say I love wearing glasses and I’m not really a person to care what someone else thinks of me. However, there are people out there who do care a great deal about what other people think of them.

I know plenty of people who are meant to wear glasses but they don’t, and in most cases they don’t even get contacts. The worst of these culprits are actually men. It is quite rare to see a guy rocking his specs with confidence, although in most cases they are more responsible and get contacts to compensate.

Wearing glasses can be very nerve wrecking. I have experienced the insecurities they bring. I’ll give you a real life example.  I went out for  one of my friends 22nd birthday. I got this guys number and I saw him the following Sunday. When he came to pick me up I was wearing my glasses and when I got in the car he was staring at me for a long time. I asked him whats wrong. He said I looked like a completely different person but couldnt pin point what it was that was different about me. I realised it was my glasses. I didn’t think anything of it, but as the day went on, he kept complaining about it. Eventually I took them off. I have very bad eyesight, so it was quite hard for me to see. I later on realised that was stupid of me to do. If a guy cant accept me for who I am – i.e., a person that wears glasses. I shouldn’t have to stress myself out to please them and they don’t deserve to be in my life.

I’ve also met plenty of guys who adore me with my glasses on. And thats the great thing. Dont go through life attempting to please everyone. If you wear glasses, embrace them, because there will always be someone out there who will appreciate you, for you. If you’re not convinced, here are a few benefits of wearing glasses.

1. For many people, it is actually a fetish. You can pull of the sexy secretary look!
2. Rain or snow? Your eyes are protected, while everyone is busy shielding their face, you dont have to
3. Diversity. You can achieve two different looks, most people  look completely different with glasses on and off. take advantage of this
4. Guys who wear glasses – you may not know this but it is extremely appealing to some females. You are more likely to snap up a decent female wearing them because you will look more educated or sweet and innocent.

That’s not to say that if you wear glasses you MUST wear them. If you are comfortable with wearing contacts, do it! The only thing you should avoid is putting yourself in a position where you feel uncomfortable for the sake of others.

So what do you think? Are glasses sexy? Let me know in the comments below.