Are Black People Racist?

Racism is an uncomfortable topic to speak about, and I really want to address this issue of black people being racist.

Afropunk 2015

If you asked me a year ago if I was a racist, I would have said yes. As a mixed-race woman (black mother, white father) – although I was born in Germany, my whole life has been surrounded by my black Nigerian heritage and I identify very strongly with my black side.

While I’ve been exploring the true meaning of racism, since it all comes down to power, can black people really be racist? There is no denying that there is a seething hatred for whites from some black people. I personally never thought I could really and truly get on with some white people because I thought they could never understand me, and I couldn’t be my authentic self around them.

But what really scares me the most is the hatred that some black people have towards other black people. All black people are not the same, the same way that not all white people, or even Latin people are the same. I watched an interesting video on youtube, and although I dont 100% agree with everything this man says, he does make some valid points.

A while ago I was trying to discuss race issues with a friend I met at work. He’s Irish and whenever I try to have a conversation with him about rac’ism’ and trying to make him agree that white privilege exists; he argues that the Irish were also enslaved, and he grew up during “The Troubles” – growing up he experienced a lot of violence and discrimination for various reasons. He also went on to argue that black people destroy their own communities and kill each other more than the police are killing them.

Although I can’t knock his experience and what he went through growing up – I definitely disagreed with the fact that black people destroy each others communities. In order to back up his argument he sent me a video of an old uncle Tom talking sh*t about a rally for Trayvon Martin which was going on outside a black-owned business (which apparently none of the protesters supported). He goes on to say that when a black life is taken by a non-black person, that’s the only time it matters – even though there were a couple of shootings “black-on-black” crime in that area quite recently.

Any excuse to pull the race-card right? No! I understand that since I live in the UK, racism is different compared to the USA. There is a social experiment called ‘Shopping while black‘ and in one situation where a black woman is followed and searched in a shop [the experiment is staged and the store attendant told other customers in the store about why “her kind” is always suspicious] one of the customers asked the store attendant – “oh, did she pull the race card?” .. I can’t do the video much justice so I suggest you watch it for yourself (its linked above).


Slavery tends to get brought up because hundreds of years of dehumanisation, segregation and lack of healing have caused the society that we live in today. Dr. Joy DeGruy Leary calls it Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome. There has never been any kind of reparation or form of help to the black community for what they had to go through.

” In 1833, The Slavery Abolition Act (UK) stated that a sum of 20million pounds was paid, not to those who had lost lives or had been oppressed by slavery, but to the white owners who had lost their ‘property’ “

In my opinion, black people have every right to be angry at white people. Honestly, I believe white people are so scared of black people these days because deep down inside they know that revenge is due. This is why racists starting coming out of the wood works to say that Beyonce is anti-cops and uplifting the Black Panthers in her superbowl performance.

The Black Panthers were created to protect black people and their communities; they used to monitor police officers in their areas. White people even created a White Panthers group to support the Black Panthers after they were told that if they wanted to support the Black Panthers that’s what they should do.

To round up, I don’t think that black people can be RACIST – but I do agree that there is some racial prejudice among some black people which is interpreted as racism. Black people cannot be racist because they dont have enough power to negatively affect the lives of those that they are prejudice against.


Racism is about POWER

In my “definition” of racism I agreed with the fact that racism is an irrational bias (positive OR negative) against a certain racial group.

I also agree that there is some form of prejudice or hatred towards white people – The general vibe I get from white people when I try to talk to them about racism, is that there is a fear of being called racist.

Rather than accepting that racism exists, they to try to justify that racism isn’t as bad as it is when white people are being stereotyped negatively as well. Here is what an old work colleague of mine commented on an angry fb status I wrote regarding a racist newspaper article I saw

to be fair, as a white male, i cannot claim racism, i cannot claim sexism, i cannot claim ageism (atm) i am in the most discriminated against section of society, as no-one will believe me if i claim any “ism” at all… and re. racism how come rappers can say the “N” word (see i am not allowed to type it without inciting racial hatred) all the time and no-one blinks an eye or claims inciting racial hatred by them…”

Jane Elliott’s brown eye blue eye experiment is a great example of white people denying racism. When the topic was raised that black people have to try harder to fit in and conform. One lady pointed out that her husband also has to conform! He has to wake up early and put on a suit and go to work. I was astounded that she was agreeing with the words coming out of her mouth – I’ve included a link a video of the experiment above.

There is a thin line between racism and prejudice, and that line in power. The suffix ‘-ism’ means a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement. If sexism and homophobia have been accepted in society, why is the meaning of racism so misunderstood.

In a beautiful example given by Dr. Joy DeGruy Leary asks her audience how white racism negatively affects black people – there were answers such as: job opportunity; housing; school performance etc.. When she asked the audience what negative affects black racism had … Silence. And that is exactly the point.

Racism becomes intertwined with the power systems, if the majority of lawyers, politicians, police officers etc are mostly white men, then there is a real imbalance with who works in highly influential positions which doesn’t reflect the rest of the population.

Black Lives Matter

Not all white people are racist, but the system of white supremacy/privilege is racist. So.. can black people really be racist? Find out in my next blog post

What do men want?


“Don’t let your own confusion blow smoke in our direction and blur our minds”

Who is that quote direct towards? Males or females? 

Both. I’m writing this post directed towards females but I aim to show males some of the ways females interpret things.

I would like to begin by saying, twitter is a funny place. It’s an outlet for people to say whats on their mind and to fair, majority of peoples tweets have been influenced by how  a person thinks. From observing what people tweet about, I’ve come to this conclusion.

Men don’t know what they want.

Now, who am I to say that this applies to all men, this observation only arose from observing the population that I follow on twitter. The 16-24 age range (broad generalisation), but also, they’re from the UK.

The thing with the internet these days is that, sometimes to be heard, you need to be fast with witty responses, this is not a quality a lot of people possess so they are fast to adopt the opinions of others. Following blindly like sheep.

This is the understanding I have of male logic following these observations..

1. for a female to be seen as respectable and “wife-able” she must not have had sexual relations with more than 5 other men
2. A man’s own female must be able to be a “lady” in the streets, but a “freak” in the sheets
3. A female cannot have any sexual history with any of a mans friends

These are just a few examples but I find them all quite contradictory. If you expect a freaky lady then where is she to learn it? There are some females who are “naturally” freaky, but for some females they met one partner along the road who, pardon my french, taught them some freaky shit. 

Also, the UK is not a big country and if you have lived in one place your whole life you will have met a lot of people from your area and the surrounding areas. It is unfair to say a female cant have any sort of history with a person that you know, because really and truly, everyone in the world is interconnected in some way. (search: 6 degrees of separation)

However this next point I’m picking a bone with the ladies. A man believes that for a woman to be respectable, any “body count” (urban dictionary: how many people you’ve had sex with) higher than 5 is unacceptable. 

Really and truly, your past should be none of your partners business. Even if they ask you, you have no obligation to tell them. That’s not to say it is wrong, if you are comfortable with it and are going to be honest then go ahead and tell them. 

The problem I have is this. If you are going to tell them, dont lie. Because men are not mind readers but they’re also not idiots. When you tell them “I’ve slept with 3/4/5” however many people you’ve slept with, thats all the information they have to go off. So if you, as a woman, end up doing something to reflect yourself in a bad light, the thought process that comes to my mind is this

“If she lied about her body count, then why did she say that number, maybe the girl who is respectable must possess that attribute.”

So, let your past be your past, no-one is entitled to any part of you. 

Men, don’t let your confusion about women make you say things that are impractical. You can’t have a virgin sex goddess that doesnt know any of your friends. 


So, thats my two cents. So, here is my question to you men. What do you want?

How to Get Closure after a Breakup

Happy New Year everyone. My goodness I am late – the writers block is still hovering over me but I think I’m overcoming it now.

I’m not sure if there will be more in store for the 50 shades series, although I wasn’t planning to do 50 posts, if you think you have a wasteman I haven’t covered let me know in a comment somewhere. Hopefully by this point you can identify if someone is not good for you. We all have different tolerance levels of the bullshit we can take.

The next few posts are going to be about how to walk away from them and get them out of your life. The thing you have to remember is that this is not a step by step HOW-TO guide, I’m giving advice/a guideline. Nor is it the only way to do it.

So lets get right into it. If you haven’t read the introduction post, I suggest you do here. I finished by saying you need a firm foundation within yourself in order to have a successful relationship. That doesn’t mean you’re on your own to grow and develop yourself. Every relationship you have is a lesson.

After you’ve finished crying and eating ice cream – whatever it is you do to mourn a relationship – do it. It’s healthy to. But don’t let it carry on too long, take time to reflect on it and try to find 3 things you learned from the relationship. If you cant find anything, you didn’t learn anything and that means you’re going to end up being in the same situation again until you do learn.

But what if they’re still in your life? What do you do after you’ve broken up and now they were doing all the things they weren’t. Take some time to analyse the situation. Men, as we all know, like the thrill of the chase – if you dumped him and now he wont stop calling and texting, he may just be being a dog and chasing you to see if he still has a hold over you. I’m not saying it will be easy, but dont show him if its affecting you.

Answer the phone cheerfully. Even if you know its him calling.
Dont look miserable and tired when you see him – note you dont have to look super fine (this can work against you)
Dont continuously talk about depressing subjects on w.e social network you’re on

you get the idea? And you dont have to do all these things, sometimes you may genuinely be upset about something else, its okay to show that. The point is that you fake not missing him until you do. And don’t just do these things as an act – you need to believe it yourself.

A big problem when we first leave a relationship is that we can sometimes be confused where it went wrong and we want closure. That doesn’t mean you have to talk to him about it. Asking “why”, especially right after you have broken up with him can leave him in a position of power. He can say whatever he wants to say – you don’t know if he’s telling the truth. And if you’re dealing with a wordsmith it can get messy.

Instead, use the lessons you learned to weigh up what went wrong, and how you can avoid the same situation. Give yourself this closure and peace of mind, then maybe in a few months or maybe even years and you happen to end up talking to the ex again, then you can ask him in a mature manner.

So, I hope that quenched some of your cravings for my posts. I’m really sorry I’ve been away – I’ve been dealing with a lot of sh*t.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the newest post.


The complete guide to walking away…

The complete guide to walking away…

walking away“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

In  the words of Kelly Clarkson, I’m  looking for attention, not another question – should you stay or should you go? If you dont have the answer why are you still standing here? JUST WALK AWAY!

Every girl has been in a situation where she’s not sure how to cut a guy off that she knows is not good company to keep. Too often women find themselves with a man that does not deserve or respect them, yet they still hang around hoping they will change. If you’ve read any of my posts from the series, 50 shades of Wastemen, you should know by now a leopard never changes his spots.

Women seem to place a responsibility upon themselves to be a mother to their lover – they want to guide and mould them into the man they desire. And most of the time this plan fails. The only thing you can do is bring out the qualities in a man that are already there, but you cannot add or remove characteristics. A man is not a gadget, smartphone, or blank slate. Everyone comes with their own baggage and if you cant handle the baggage, leave. No one is forcing you to stay.

This is where the problem arises. And there are more than one. Originally I was going to make one long blog post, but I realised it would have been way too long. So this is an introduction. Although there are many problem when it comes to letting someone go there is one point I think applies to all woman. And it is this.

No relationship can be built firmly if the foundation is not firm. What do I mean by this?
You may think the foundation is how you meet, or if there was a spark..This is not what I am referring to.
You are the foundation. If you haven’t found yourself and understand yourself at a basic level, how can you understand anyone elses needs. When we were younger our parents warned us not to start dating too early. It wasn’t because they were being overprotective, it was because they didn’t want you to get bored.

If you are experiencing heartache from a young age over and over, by the time you’re 22 and you’ve been dating for almost a decade, what do you think will happen to you? You will get bored of the dating scene. You’re going to feel as if time is running out and start seeking to initiate more serious relationships. Auditioning husbands but at the same time your still so young. Even if you do find love young, and you get married and have kids at a very young age, if you didn’t give yourself time to be youthful and learn how to be happy ON YOUR OWN. if your perfect relationship were to dishevel you are left with nothing. My friends mother got married young and she was born after her parents were married, her mum was a perfect housewife, but when she was young they divorced and her mother, now 40-something, dates casually and goes club hopping with 20 year olds. Is this what you want for yourself? Allow yourself to have fun, dont make relationships too serious. Even if you think that person is the one, if it is meant to be, it will be.

With all this being said, we also deceive ourselves into thinking someone is the right guy. All the signs can be there, but our lack of self love and ability to make ourselves happy blinds us. Fear of not having any attention or the tediousness of talking to a whole new person can seem daunting, but if someone is not good for your life they need to be cut off.

I will try, every week to write a new post for each situation, whether its you’ve just met someone and dont know how to judge whether to walk away or be patient, OR if you’re already in love with the person and are finding a hard time letting them go – stay tuned. I’ll be updating my twitter and instagram with the new posts so you can also follow me on there.  @msschwann is the username for both.

Thanks for reading guys,

leave your thoughts below.

Communication is key

Communication is key

You’ve probably heard a million times that the key to a successful relationship is communication, and seriously, it is.
But the problem that most people have is that they either (1) Don’t know what communication is or (2) They can’t do the damn thing properly.

I also want to stress that communication between you and partner is the only communication you should be engaging in when it comes to expressing your feelings/problems you are having with your partner. More time (& mostly girls) you will be telling your friends everything that is happening. It gets to the point where it is you, your partner, and all your friends in the relationship. When you tell your friends the problem you are having with your partner there will always be a bias in your favour. So if your partner did something wrong and you tell your friends, you’re more likely to hear negative advice an feedback, which will then linger in your mind. Also, once youve said it once, you’re less likely to want to repeat yourself, especially if its a very complex problem to explain, so you end up never telling your partner and this is the worst thing you can do.

So with that being said, let me first explain what communication IS.

communication: noun, (from Latin “communis”, meaning to share) is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information…

Like I’ve already mention, if you have any problems with the relationship, this should only be discussed between you and your partner. One problem a lot of people have is not being able to say what is on their mind properly. This can be either because they havent thought about the problem enough to break it down, OR, they are scared they will sound stupid. There comes a point in your life when you just have to get over it and say what the fuck is on your mind.

With that being said, communication is a two way street. You cant be the only one spilling your heart out and the other person is non-responsive or doesnt know what to say in response. You shouldnt force someone to talk to you, BUT sometimes it is necessary. The biggest reason a partner may be unresponsive is they don’t understand how serious the issue is. Especially with one sided problems, a partner may be unaware of your grievances and may therefore not acknowledge the fact that what you are trying to tell them is more serious than they think. Lay everything out on the table. In a worst case scenario you may even get emotional and start crying… But if you do, don’t shrug off the issue, try to calm down and still say what needs to be said, or it will never get sorted out.

The best sort of communication is done face to face, so, now you have a better idea of what communication is, I can go into explaining how to do it properly.

As I mentioned earlier, communication is  two way street. Even if a problem has only been affecting one person in the relationship, leave room for the unaffected partner to share a piece of their mind. If you are on the receiving end of hearing a problem, no matter how trivial it may seem, treat it with seriousness. In most cases, small pet peeves can snowball into massive arguments in the future, so its best to solve the problem as soon as possible. Additionally, someones problem may be very abstract and hard to explain, and in order to explain, may think of past scenarios – to you it may sound stupid, but still treat it like a serious issue. Theres nothing worse than building up the courage to tell someone how you really feel about them, especially if it has a negative connotation, and then for your opinion to be shrugged off as irrelevant or insignificant. There is that magic word again (Irrelevant – read more about that here).

so, for those on the receiving end:

1. Treat any problems that are brought up as highly serious, and always assume there is more to it than mentioned.
2. If you really are uninterested or disagree with something (i.e., you dont believe you’re being “inconsiderate” in the relationship etc) give a valid reason and explain fully what you think about the issue.
3. If you have something on your mind that is unrelated, resolve the first problem mentioned before moving on, otherwise it could lead to an argument.

for those who want to raise an issue:

1. Pick a right time to bring it up, preferably not in public, and when both of you aren’t hungry (most people are snappy and over-emotional when they are hungry)
2. Don’t just open your mouth and say the first thing that comes to your mind, make sure you bring it up in the least accusing way.
3. Respect their opinion, if they don’t believe that they are a selfish person, for example, listen to what they have to say, and if anything – agree to disagree
4. Try to mention problems as early as possible so it doesnt snowball into something disastrous.
5. Avoid telling anyone else before you have spoken about the problem with your partner.


On an end note, always aim to end the conversation with something positive. Even if you agree to disagree, this is better than going to bed with negative thoughts, especially if the talk is right before you go to sleep as this can cause insomnia, nightmares, and often cause you to wake up angry.