The complete guide to walking away…

The complete guide to walking away…

walking away“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

In  the words of Kelly Clarkson, I’m  looking for attention, not another question – should you stay or should you go? If you dont have the answer why are you still standing here? JUST WALK AWAY!

Every girl has been in a situation where she’s not sure how to cut a guy off that she knows is not good company to keep. Too often women find themselves with a man that does not deserve or respect them, yet they still hang around hoping they will change. If you’ve read any of my posts from the series, 50 shades of Wastemen, you should know by now a leopard never changes his spots.

Women seem to place a responsibility upon themselves to be a mother to their lover – they want to guide and mould them into the man they desire. And most of the time this plan fails. The only thing you can do is bring out the qualities in a man that are already there, but you cannot add or remove characteristics. A man is not a gadget, smartphone, or blank slate. Everyone comes with their own baggage and if you cant handle the baggage, leave. No one is forcing you to stay.

This is where the problem arises. And there are more than one. Originally I was going to make one long blog post, but I realised it would have been way too long. So this is an introduction. Although there are many problem when it comes to letting someone go there is one point I think applies to all woman. And it is this.

No relationship can be built firmly if the foundation is not firm. What do I mean by this?
You may think the foundation is how you meet, or if there was a spark..This is not what I am referring to.
You are the foundation. If you haven’t found yourself and understand yourself at a basic level, how can you understand anyone elses needs. When we were younger our parents warned us not to start dating too early. It wasn’t because they were being overprotective, it was because they didn’t want you to get bored.

If you are experiencing heartache from a young age over and over, by the time you’re 22 and you’ve been dating for almost a decade, what do you think will happen to you? You will get bored of the dating scene. You’re going to feel as if time is running out and start seeking to initiate more serious relationships. Auditioning husbands but at the same time your still so young. Even if you do find love young, and you get married and have kids at a very young age, if you didn’t give yourself time to be youthful and learn how to be happy ON YOUR OWN. if your perfect relationship were to dishevel you are left with nothing. My friends mother got married young and she was born after her parents were married, her mum was a perfect housewife, but when she was young they divorced and her mother, now 40-something, dates casually and goes club hopping with 20 year olds. Is this what you want for yourself? Allow yourself to have fun, dont make relationships too serious. Even if you think that person is the one, if it is meant to be, it will be.

With all this being said, we also deceive ourselves into thinking someone is the right guy. All the signs can be there, but our lack of self love and ability to make ourselves happy blinds us. Fear of not having any attention or the tediousness of talking to a whole new person can seem daunting, but if someone is not good for your life they need to be cut off.

I will try, every week to write a new post for each situation, whether its you’ve just met someone and dont know how to judge whether to walk away or be patient, OR if you’re already in love with the person and are finding a hard time letting them go – stay tuned. I’ll be updating my twitter and instagram with the new posts so you can also follow me on there.  @msschwann is the username for both.

Thanks for reading guys,

leave your thoughts below.


Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.

Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.

Since the feminist revolution the view point of women has been changed. The norm seems to be for women to say “I don’t need a man” (emphasis on the word need); but then we are left wanting a man. However, as much as this view has been instilled in us – I think the appropriate thing to say would be “I dont want a man, but I need one”…

Now before you start building up rage in your chest & giving me the independent women speech – let me explain myself.  Biologically, women are hard-wired to find a man – to provide for them & to reproduce with. Men on the other hand (from an evolutionary perspective) strive to have multiple partners; for the simple reason that they want to ensure their genes are carried to the next generation. Women don’t have the problem of not knowing if their offspring has their genes. But I digress.

One of the reasons I think that men are so important is this biological hard-wiring. A woman can be independent, have her shit together, have a career, hobbies, a great social life and all the rest of it. But without a man in her life – there is a hole that needs to be filled. She doesn’t necessarily Need a man in her life, but she may want one.

Wanting a man can lead to coming across as desperate or clingy if you do find one. Whereas, if you have the mentality that you need one (but are willing to wait & let things fall into place) you allow for the relationship to flourish in it’s own time… Which is always better than rushing into things because you feel lonely.

I don’t think you should actively seek out a serious relationship if you don’t have your shit together.  Looking for a relationship because you’re bored or lonely is not the right thing to do. It’s better to try to get active. Get serious about your studies or job/career, join a gym, take classes in something you’ve always had a passion for, travel, get more involved with your friends. These are all things you can do – you shouldn’t WANT a man.

So, that being dealt with; here’s my reasons of why you should need a man. I don’t use the word men in the general sense of the gender, but a real man. But that’s a different post all together. We need a real man not just because of our evolutionary or biological cues, but because of the way men and women are different. Take two identical situations, a man and woman both have satisfaction in their career, hobbies and social life with family & friends. The only thing missing a partner. A man may be able to fill his sexual desires with a  woman he barely knows, however, if a woman wanted to get rid of her hornyness, sleeping with a man she barely knew would not deal with the problem. It would either make it worse; or she may get attached to man she had no intention of getting attached to. Women desire more of an emotional bond compared to a physical one.

I’m not saying that men don’t desire to be loved or to be in a relationship, but in most cases, this desire to have a life partner is not present until later on in life, after they have done all their stupidness in their teenage years/early 20’s.

So, I’ll let you think what you want – I wonder what you will think of this post, I can see it being heavily criticised. I have a lot more to say, so don’t just think my argument is based on sexual satisfaction being a reason for why we need a man; it’s just a bit long winded & this post would have been way too long. Let me know what you think in the comments below.