Communication is key

Communication is key

You’ve probably heard a million times that the key to a successful relationship is communication, and seriously, it is.
But the problem that most people have is that they either (1) Don’t know what communication is or (2) They can’t do the damn thing properly.

I also want to stress that communication between you and partner is the only communication you should be engaging in when it comes to expressing your feelings/problems you are having with your partner. More time (& mostly girls) you will be telling your friends everything that is happening. It gets to the point where it is you, your partner, and all your friends in the relationship. When you tell your friends the problem you are having with your partner there will always be a bias in your favour. So if your partner did something wrong and you tell your friends, you’re more likely to hear negative advice an feedback, which will then linger in your mind. Also, once youve said it once, you’re less likely to want to repeat yourself, especially if its a very complex problem to explain, so you end up never telling your partner and this is the worst thing you can do.

So with that being said, let me first explain what communication IS.

communication: noun, (from Latin “communis”, meaning to share) is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information…

Like I’ve already mention, if you have any problems with the relationship, this should only be discussed between you and your partner. One problem a lot of people have is not being able to say what is on their mind properly. This can be either because they havent thought about the problem enough to break it down, OR, they are scared they will sound stupid. There comes a point in your life when you just have to get over it and say what the fuck is on your mind.

With that being said, communication is a two way street. You cant be the only one spilling your heart out and the other person is non-responsive or doesnt know what to say in response. You shouldnt force someone to talk to you, BUT sometimes it is necessary. The biggest reason a partner may be unresponsive is they don’t understand how serious the issue is. Especially with one sided problems, a partner may be unaware of your grievances and may therefore not acknowledge the fact that what you are trying to tell them is more serious than they think. Lay everything out on the table. In a worst case scenario you may even get emotional and start crying… But if you do, don’t shrug off the issue, try to calm down and still say what needs to be said, or it will never get sorted out.

The best sort of communication is done face to face, so, now you have a better idea of what communication is, I can go into explaining how to do it properly.

As I mentioned earlier, communication is  two way street. Even if a problem has only been affecting one person in the relationship, leave room for the unaffected partner to share a piece of their mind. If you are on the receiving end of hearing a problem, no matter how trivial it may seem, treat it with seriousness. In most cases, small pet peeves can snowball into massive arguments in the future, so its best to solve the problem as soon as possible. Additionally, someones problem may be very abstract and hard to explain, and in order to explain, may think of past scenarios – to you it may sound stupid, but still treat it like a serious issue. Theres nothing worse than building up the courage to tell someone how you really feel about them, especially if it has a negative connotation, and then for your opinion to be shrugged off as irrelevant or insignificant. There is that magic word again (Irrelevant – read more about that here).

so, for those on the receiving end:

1. Treat any problems that are brought up as highly serious, and always assume there is more to it than mentioned.
2. If you really are uninterested or disagree with something (i.e., you dont believe you’re being “inconsiderate” in the relationship etc) give a valid reason and explain fully what you think about the issue.
3. If you have something on your mind that is unrelated, resolve the first problem mentioned before moving on, otherwise it could lead to an argument.

for those who want to raise an issue:

1. Pick a right time to bring it up, preferably not in public, and when both of you aren’t hungry (most people are snappy and over-emotional when they are hungry)
2. Don’t just open your mouth and say the first thing that comes to your mind, make sure you bring it up in the least accusing way.
3. Respect their opinion, if they don’t believe that they are a selfish person, for example, listen to what they have to say, and if anything – agree to disagree
4. Try to mention problems as early as possible so it doesnt snowball into something disastrous.
5. Avoid telling anyone else before you have spoken about the problem with your partner.

 

On an end note, always aim to end the conversation with something positive. Even if you agree to disagree, this is better than going to bed with negative thoughts, especially if the talk is right before you go to sleep as this can cause insomnia, nightmares, and often cause you to wake up angry.

In The Night

In The Night

In the night, when half of humanity is sleeping
& the other half is working –
lonliness is your only companion
the presence of silence is haunting
& your mind begins to ponder & wander.

First it takes baby steps, evaluating the day,
the confused weather, grey & blue.
The late night films to be watched
at your own discretion…
until you start dissecting the world
It is a gloriously, beautiful bastard.

Your eyes demand sleep,
but your mind does not let you,
you are too deep in thought
The world is a dangerous place & the
shelter of your mother & fathers house
can no longer protect you
Its time for you to spread your wings

& although the anticipation is positive
the closer it gets, the more daunting it becomes
having lived in the system since birth
school, college, university.
Always someone there
making the tough decisions

Will you be part of the system when you leave?
did you learn enough?
Did you pick up the skills to survive,
in the white mans world?

& this is where your mind wanders in the night
& before you know it, the birds are awake
& the absence of silence allows you to finally,
slumber.