Wasteman #7 – The Rude One

Everyone can be a little bit rude or have a bad day, but there are some guys who are beyond the point of cute banter and are just downright pricks.

The rude wasteman usually claims to be emotionally detached and warns you not to catch feelings, or if at any time you try to bring up the subject of liking each other/getting together or whatever, he will either ignore you or change the subject or pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

The genius of the Rude One is that they have mastered the art of the Wordsmith and cropped down to just one word that can make himself irrestible to almost any woman. Irrelevant.

Don’t be confused by the wording – the word irrelevant is so powerful it will leave you confused and wanting more of him. Let’s say you snap under the pressure of not getting much of a response out of him and you send him a long txt/ping/KIK/whatsapp of how you feel about him and what a prick he has been… Rather than replying in retaliation or just saying OK, the rude one will ask what the hell you are going on about and when or if you take the time to explain and simplify what you want, he’ll reply that everything you just said is Irrelevant.

Its more aggravating than if he were just to reply ‘OK’ or ‘k.’ But this one word has now managed to make you yourself feel ‘irrelevant’ and it also creates an air of mystery about him. No guy can receive a long paragraph message from a girl and not have an opinion about it. Its a power play. You are confused and probably more upset than before and now you want to try harder to get a reaction out of him.

The main problem with majority of the female species is that we are hell-bent on changing a guy we like but who doesn’t necessarily treat us like we want him to. You will never be able to change a guy. If his nature is rude, he is going to continue to be rude. Most likely the more you try to change him the ruder he may get. It’s in your best  to “kick his ass to the curb”. Seriously, you’ll just end up having an emotional break down & crying underneath a table *cough cough*…

How To Spot Him

All it takes is the magic word.. He may start out with cute banter, but as soon as he says the word Irrelevant (a few times, give him a chance), alarm bells should be ringing.

This type of guy is not for those sweet and innocent girls out there. Its not that a rude guy is incapable of loving, it may just be that he’s not really that into you. To be honest, if a guy really likes you, he should go out his way to make you feel special. There is no such thing as a person making you feel like shit by accident, multiple times. If you think you can handle a rude guy, don’t get too emotionally attached too soon. If you stick through it you don’t have to worry about other girls wanting him or him cheating. He may be testing you to see if you’ll stick around later.

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Middle Man

Middle Man

One foot in the room,
The other in the hallway.
Enough to know what is going on,
Not enough to be part of it.

Always the excuse to insist,
“I’m not in your room!”
Always questioning whether you’re allowed,
to come in or whether to keep your distance.

The problem with being a middle man.

 

You’re Fat so You’re Ugly.

You’re Fat so You’re Ugly.
girlwithcurves.tumblr.com

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lords works are wonderful & if you didn’t know that, now you do. But seriously, pretty doesnt equal skinny. Neither does skinny mean healthy.. It seems to be that people are obsessed with image more than ever, with the internet bombarding us with so many images – it is difficult to be confident in yourself these days.

Let me make one thing clear, the word “fat” seems to have been associated with being a derogatory term. On the contrary, it is just a descriptive word. So throughout this post, do not take it as derogatory, but fat is fat is fat. I’m not a sugar coater.

Although the term big boned seems to be an excuse for fat people to be the way they are, it does seem to hold some truth. Take my mother for example, she has always been quite chubby since she was little. To this day, she has always been size 16+ (UK Size) and has never been skinny EVER. I remember she tried everything under the sun to lose the weight, which included a point in my life where I remember being carted to different gyms in Germany, staying in the daycare section while my mum spend hours at a time, doing classes and using all the different machines you could think of. She’s tried every diet under the sun but if she did lose the weight, she would always put it back on when she stopped.

This is the problem – diets don’t work for this simple reason. You alter your diet and what you’re used to eating your body is no longer getting, when you go on a diet, yes you can lose weight, but as soon as your happy with how much weight you’ve lost, you go back to your old food habits and the weight just piles back on again. You can count calories until your face turns blue but it is not a long term solution.

Another problem with diets is that you usually don’t enjoy them. You’re restricting the foods you like and this is just going to put you in a bad mood. If you’re going to diet successfully, its going to have to be something that you’re happy with doing for the rest of your life. Not in a weight loss fashion, but after you’ve lost the weight, you cant go back to what you’re used to eating.

I also have a bone to pick with calories. Calories don’t equal fat, calories are energy. Calories are like your fuel for the day and having too little of them can give you bad mood swings and less energy than you’re used to. If your body is used to eating 3000-4000 calories a day and you suddenly switch to having  just over 1000 calories a day this can be very dangerous. If you want to lose weight, focus on the fat content of your food rather than the calories.

People have been conditioned to count calories and rather than doing us good, we are starving our bodies of energy and weakening brain functioning, making us easier to manipulate. Its a dangerous cycle. You’re going to spend less time thinking about your actions because you’re brain doesn’t have enough energy and you’re going to passively absorb what you see. All those hours harmlessly scrolling down on Tumblr can be very damaging for your self-esteem. Do you see it?

But enough about that, this is what I want to get at. Some people are naturally big – if its how God intended it to be, let it be. Think about is like the natural hair thing. If you’re naturally slim, work with it. If you’re naturally fat, work with it. There are so many blogs popping up for how to dress to your body shape.

I understand that there is a problem of obesity nowadays. Fair enough, exercise and lose an extra baggage that is clearly not meant to be there, but don’t aim to be a size 8 if you’ve always been a size 14+. The message that you can be healthy at any weight is not said enough, but seriously, work with what you have. I can go into details about how we’ve been brainwashed into thinking thin equals healthy and how they try to use evolution to back it up, but I will be hear all day and frankly, I don’t have time.

rant over.

p.s, this is what aggravated me & inspired me to write this post.

The issue of weight isnt as black and white as if you’re fat lose it. Weight is harder to lose the older you get, your body also tries to stay the same weight it was at 18. Some people were literally born big.. Not fat but still bigger than average. I know many people who are fat who are attempting to lose the weight but there are challenges, i.e., stretch marks & horrendous diets that usually dont work.. Just saying.. And also, just because someone is fat doesnt mean they are dirty. and another thing.. A relative of mine ballooned from a size 8 to 18 when she was put on some medication in the hospital. I dont see her often so when I saw her as big as she was I was so shocked.. She cant lose the weight because of her medication so what is she supposed to do. Stop taking her medicine & risk dying just so she can lose weight to please society, then put all the weight back on again when she starts taking her medication again… Cha. I disagree with everything Logan & Poet are saying

Are Glasses Sexy?

Are Glasses Sexy?

As a girl who wears glasses, the question “Am I good looking” seems to creep into my mind every now and then. I have been wearing glasses since I was 8 or 9 so most people I have met have always known me to wear glasses. The option to wear contacts of course is available and I do have them, but I chose to wear them on special occasions because they are so irritating. They dry your eyes out and I always seem to have problems when it comes to taking them out. I’m not ashamed to say I love wearing glasses and I’m not really a person to care what someone else thinks of me. However, there are people out there who do care a great deal about what other people think of them.

I know plenty of people who are meant to wear glasses but they don’t, and in most cases they don’t even get contacts. The worst of these culprits are actually men. It is quite rare to see a guy rocking his specs with confidence, although in most cases they are more responsible and get contacts to compensate.

Wearing glasses can be very nerve wrecking. I have experienced the insecurities they bring. I’ll give you a real life example.  I went out for  one of my friends 22nd birthday. I got this guys number and I saw him the following Sunday. When he came to pick me up I was wearing my glasses and when I got in the car he was staring at me for a long time. I asked him whats wrong. He said I looked like a completely different person but couldnt pin point what it was that was different about me. I realised it was my glasses. I didn’t think anything of it, but as the day went on, he kept complaining about it. Eventually I took them off. I have very bad eyesight, so it was quite hard for me to see. I later on realised that was stupid of me to do. If a guy cant accept me for who I am – i.e., a person that wears glasses. I shouldn’t have to stress myself out to please them and they don’t deserve to be in my life.

I’ve also met plenty of guys who adore me with my glasses on. And thats the great thing. Dont go through life attempting to please everyone. If you wear glasses, embrace them, because there will always be someone out there who will appreciate you, for you. If you’re not convinced, here are a few benefits of wearing glasses.

1. For many people, it is actually a fetish. You can pull of the sexy secretary look!
2. Rain or snow? Your eyes are protected, while everyone is busy shielding their face, you dont have to
3. Diversity. You can achieve two different looks, most people  look completely different with glasses on and off. take advantage of this
4. Guys who wear glasses – you may not know this but it is extremely appealing to some females. You are more likely to snap up a decent female wearing them because you will look more educated or sweet and innocent.

That’s not to say that if you wear glasses you MUST wear them. If you are comfortable with wearing contacts, do it! The only thing you should avoid is putting yourself in a position where you feel uncomfortable for the sake of others.

So what do you think? Are glasses sexy? Let me know in the comments below.

Why I don’t smoke weed… Anymore

Why I don’t smoke weed… Anymore

The miracle plant that is finally becoming legal in certain states of America has been on the forefront of my mind. The arguments that weed is good for you all seem legit, & of course, there are certain health benefits of smoking it. Marijuana is one of the most beneficial plants on the earth, it has a multitude of benefits that many people don’t know about. the main reason it is used for in medicinal purposes is pain control, multiple sclerosis deterioration and to induce appetite while decreasing nausea in chemo patients and people with AIDs. it can be used to treat asthma, has been used for centuries in midwifery to deal with morning sickness and labor pain and studies have actually shown that the brain cells marijuana kills are more often cancerous or precancerous cells that would possibly turn into tumors.

time and time again studies that are out to prove marijuana is the devil are inconclusive or weak and poorly controlled studies. if one just googles benefits of marijuana and studies or research they might find many studies that find that marijuana has little negative effects and often many benefits. if you want to avoid the negative effects, such as lung irritation, you can eat or drink it as long as it is prepared correctly.

Even among the Rastafarians (whether you consider it a religion or not), many Rastas quote directly from passages in the Bible to justify smoking weed:

Genesis 1:11 “And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.”

Genesis 1:29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb-bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

Genesis 3:18 “… thou shalt eat the herb of the field.”

Psalms 104:14 “He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man.”

Proverbs 15:17 “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

Revelation 22:2 ” the river of life proceeded to flow from the throne of God, and on either side of the bank there was the tree of life, and the leaf from that tree is for the healing of the nations”

Rastas also say that it helps them to meditate, relax, and think clearly. So, with all these reasons to smoke it, why did I decide to stop? Well, this poem was one of the reasons, but then I thought about it more.

The poem basically says this: Tt is a gateway to sin, i.e., side effects such as munchies is equivalent to gluttony.. It makes you greedy.. One of  the lines in the poem is “I am better at feeding you sin than satan is“.
It also says that the we idolise weed. The extent we go to defend it is a lot. Look at all of the above reasons I have given you, the medicinal benefits. But half the people that smoke it don’t really have anything wrong with them. It is now a “thing” to go to the doctors & say you have a mild version of some type of illness to be able to buy weed legally in some of the states of America where it can be bought.

Look at Amsterdam. People usually go there for one of two things. Either to smoke weed or to sleep with prostitutes.. For the most part. How can the main attractions be such sins but people are so blind to see it.

Another thing I’ve noticed is how it makes you feel. Lazy. The bible says this about laziness. Proverbs 13:4 – The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. Apart from the religious reasons, laziness is not good for practical reasons. I’ve noticed from past experiences that after smoking I may not be motivated to do anything for a few hours, and the worst I’ve experienced is a few days, after I have smoked. I just want t0 lie in bed and sleep or watch things for the whole day.

Smoking is not conducive to the type of life I want to live. That is, build a relationship with God and be productive in my student life.

Furthermore, I was doing some research on Rastafarians for my Criminology module and in short, my understanding of it is that: They believe the messiah has already come in the form of a black man, Haile Selassie, the emperor of Ethiopia (1930-1974). Praising any other than God is idolatry. Furthermore, they are selective about what parts of the bible they read and understand as they believe its contents have been altered by the white man in order to keep the black man oppressed. Though this is true, the bible has been altered many times, who are they to chose which parts of the bible they accept and which to reject.

But that’s all I have to say about that. Rant over.

Who are you to judge?

Who are you to judge?

look at this picture..  what if I told you he was black? What are the first assumptions that come to mind. What if I told you he was white? What would you think then? Why does this even matter? The other day I was in the car with my mum and she saw a black man riding a bike, his hair was unkept & he was wearing a beenie. Out of nowhere she said “druggie”… I was infuriated by her remark. Who is she to judge his life and to say that he is on drugs. Because he’s riding a bike? Because his hair is unkept. She has no idea what is going on in this mans life, & within 5 seconds of seeing him from a distance she judges him. He may have been having a rough day – in todays economic climate everyone is struggling & he may be right at the bottom of this vicious cycle. But then again, now I’m judging…

Why do we as humans are so quick to judge others but then be in denial of our own situation?

There was a psychological study conducted on the factors of addictive behaviour, namely on attributions

(internal or external – what they blame their behaviour on). A group of smokers were asked to describe WHY they still smoked & they blamed it on other things such as the environment or peer pressure. Then they were provided with 4 fictitious scenarios of other people who smoked. The same participants were then asked why these other people still smoked. They blamed the people & said they had “low self-control” ..

The amazing thing that this study revealed was how people judge others. When asked to evaluate their own situation they were quick to blame it on something outside of their control (external attribution style) but when asked to judge other people in the same position as them they blamed the person & said they had no self-control (which would be an internal attribution if they were to blame themselves). It’s a defence mechanism, “saving face” – something I’ve talked about before.

Don’t be so quick to judge others – everyone may not have gone through what youve been through, but everyones still had shit happen to them in their life.. Even those little posh white kids that were raised in countrysides with multi-billionaire mummies & daddies & their own horse named Bob.

rant over.

The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone
friend zone

what is the friend zone?

one definition of the friend zone is:
a state of unrequited love where in a friendship, one of the “friends” wants more than friendship, but the other person does not. They may or may not be aware of the other friend wanting more from the current relationship. The act of being “friend-zoned” is to be in the position of the friend who wants to advance the relationship.

Contrary to popular belief – females can be friend-zoned too. It’s a very frustrating ordeal…

how did you end up in the friend zone/how to know if you are in the friendzone?

To be fair, I don’t know how females end up in the friend zone. I’ll make an educated guess & say that a girl may be friend zoned if the guy suspects she’s going to friend zone him, or if the guy happens to be very good looking & already has a lot of girls chasing him, he may friend zone a few of them that he finds are actually cool to chill with etc etc. Another reason that comes to mind is the idea of the chase. If you are constantly speaking to a guy first or arranging to see him, you take away from the chase. If a guy feels he doesn’t have to fight for your attention he may see you as “easy” & quickly lose interest.

With guys on the other hand, it’s a lot easier to explain. We’re all familiar with the good guy vs. bad guy concept. Females like a bad boy… Nice guys finish last, all that nonsense. There are two main types of males. Alpha males, who are assertive and “more attractive” to females, and then there are the Beta males. Beta males are less assertive and tend to have qualities that women require from a long-term relationship. So why are they being friend-zoned?? Because of their lack of assertiveness. They spend all their time waiting for the “right time” to make a move while all the time trying to get to know the woman. After some time, the woman may see him as a great friend and person she can confide him, & since he has taken so long to make a move, she may just assume he isn’t looking for that kind of thing.

These are the most blatant signs that you are in the friend zone. When a woman starts asking you for relationship advice or telling you any of her sexual business. She asks you to go bra shopping. She brushes off any attempts to talk in a flirtatious way, or she is flirty, she will always apologise for it. She will also avoid talking about sex… with you. 

When a girl is friend-zoned, it is a bit harder to tell. But, the way I see it, if a guy is into you, he will make effort. If you are constantly having to talk to him first, there’s a good chance you’re in the friend zone. If you are constantly having to make excuses for him not speaking to you. If he always seems busy. Your hinting to get together falls on deaf ears, there is a good chance you are in the friend zone.

how to get out of the friend zone

A word of warning. Attempting to get out of the friend zone would mean having to play games. If you don’t like to play games, it would be better to just move on and try to find someone else.
The best method to get out of the friend zone is as follows:

Step 1: Make yourself unavailable
if you spend a lot of time talking to them, stop it. Make yourself appear busy. You don’t have to be rude or mean, just apologise politely if they ask to see you or avoid spending more than 5-10 minutes on the phone. Try not to text back straight away… Making yourself unavailable will allow you to re-build the relationship, while also making the other person more curious.

step 2. Test the waters
Try talking to other people, if this plan doesn’t work out for you, who knows, you might find someone else. Go on a few dates, or if you can’t, still try to be seen with members of the opposite sex by the friend zoner. They may not have seen you in such a way, but people always want what they can’t have. If they see you with someone else, they will see a different side of you. In a girls case, this may re-awaken the chase in the guy, & for a girl, she will see that you are capable of being intimate. If you got friend zoned because the girl thought you weren’t into her, this will make her question maybe why you didn’t try it on her.

Step 3: Re-build the relationship
The next time you speak to them, don’t let it be on friendly terms. You need to be assertive. Be more flirtatious, joke about sex. The goal here is to eventually ask them on a date. Don’t leave it up to them. Have something planned. Try to think of a few alternatives because they may not want to do something. Try to avoid the cinemas or anything where your attention will be on something else for the majority of the time. A dinner or something. I wouldn’t really recommend this step for females because I don’t believe a woman should chase a man. The trick for women is to come back on the scene as a new woman. If he is used to seeing you dressed very conservatively or my tomboy-ish, re-invent your look temporarily. This doesn’t necessarily mean you should dress more revealing, but flashing a big of flesh, accentuate your shape with pieces that compliment your body shape. Carry yourself differently. But remember, he must always be the one to ask you on a date.

from here, you should be on your way to exiting the friend zone. But remember, this only works in some situations. It may just be that the person genuinely doesn’t have any feelings like that for you, & you must weigh up the pros & cons of whether you want to risk damaging your friendship. Also remember; you cannot ignore someone who isn’t already paying attention. 

Just a final note. I don’t like playing games with people & quite frankly, I’m not very good at it. If you find that you’ve been friend-zoned, the best advice I can give you is to move on & let go.