Break Ups: The Healing Process

Break Ups: The Healing Process

I’m not too sure what boys go through when it comes to breaking up; but from experience, this is what I have seen a lot of females go through, not always in the same order but usually the same stages…

STAGE 1: deep depression

this is usually always the first stage. It can kick in anywhere between just seconds after the break-up to a couple of days after. Symptoms include: Crying herself to sleep; eating too much or not at all; listening to slow jams 24/7; no motivation. Her girlfriends usually fuel the fire & there is usually a bitching fest where 2 or more females gather & pick apart her ex for ever flaw he has.

STAGE 2: excessive partying/drinking

In an attempt to get over the heart ache, a girl may start partying/raving/drinking more than usual. Any opportunity to go out will suffice. Nothing can be done about this other than letting her do what shes doing. Its just a phase after all – it usually lasts about a week worth of partying, because she’ll soon get tired of having hangovers.

STAGE 3: extremely horny

The roast is real my friends! What is “roast?” – it is being horny beyond reason-ability. A while after the break-up & not having regular sex anymore, the horniness sets in. It attacks you at the most silly times. Even if you weren’t having sex with your partner – or ive seen situations where the girl wasn’t in a relationship with the guy, the most they had done was kiss – she was still extremely horny. In some situations the girl may give in to this feeling & go get get laid. I’ve also heard of situations where a relationship was never in the future but after not speaking to the guy she liked for a little bit & with him being a “jerk”, she was still extremely horny & just wanted to have sex with the guy & stop speaking to him as a form of revenge. I think she got friendzoned. 

STAGE 4: bitching

this is where the healing process begins. After coming to her senses & returning to a normal routine she will start exposing everything about her ex that she hates. Her friends did this for her during her deep depression phase but it was just generic comments like “He was a wasteman anyway!”, “he doesn’t deserve you” etc etc etc., now the REAL bitch fest begins. This will include excessive txting/pinging & calling all the girls & laying her ex’s shit bare for everyone to see. This is the most dangerous stage because if there are any XXX pictures she may expose him. She may also exaggerate certain things when speaking to her friends and chinese whispers can cause a lot of trouble. However, bitching is a vital step of the healing process, though not always executed. Bitching = making the other seem unappealing to the self. The female will convince herself that she never liked the ex in the first place.

STAGE 5: nostalgia

From anything to a few weeks to a few months, in some cases even years – the heart break will begin to subdue. If the bitching stage was used this process may be sped up. She will have come to terms with the break up although there may still be traces of nostalgia, especially if it was a long term relationship.

Usually females are completely over a break up when they begin to look for a [long-term] partner again. That is not so say they may not look for a partner before. This is usually the case, i.e., a rebound. When a new partner is sought not in desperation because she feels lonely & misses cuddles, but because she is ready to start a new page in her life. She may also try new things, i.e., a new job, explore another interest etc.

So, how accurate do you think this is? Let me know in the comments below.
Have you experienced the same things? & what is the break up process like for guys?

thanks for reading.

Advertisements

the real difference between men & women

the real difference between men & women

apart from obvious biological differences, I think one of the things that seems to be hidden in plain sight is how we love.

a woman, falls in love “lust” very quickly. She may not show it, but she’ll be complaining & moaning to her girlfriends & the guy, usually oblivious to his “wastemanish-ways” usually wont realise…

Now, if the female doesn’t get too frustrated to the point where she gives up on him, because he isnt giving her what she wants, they may initiate a relationship..

& after a while, the novelty will wear off & annoying habits will eventually grind on her nerves or for some other reason, the relationship will end. A few tearful conversations with her bestie & a couple of hours of bitching of how “he doesnt deserve you anyway” & she will have moved on.

For guys, they are slow to fall in love.. I think it may be because while women have the skill of giving attention to a lot of different things at once (multi-tasking), guys put a lot more energy in doing one task at one moment in time, therefore, once a guy sets his mind to something, he does it with his whole being. A man has to know that you are worth his time & being, & once he has “fallen in love” with you, the bond is usually very hard to break.

Following a break up, a man could be down for weeks, months, even years – & in the words of Shania Twain – the first cut is the deepest. The pain a man felt from his first heart-break will deter him from falling in love again & in immature men, love & settling down is the last thing on their mind..

so… rant over.

The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone
friend zone

what is the friend zone?

one definition of the friend zone is:
a state of unrequited love where in a friendship, one of the “friends” wants more than friendship, but the other person does not. They may or may not be aware of the other friend wanting more from the current relationship. The act of being “friend-zoned” is to be in the position of the friend who wants to advance the relationship.

Contrary to popular belief – females can be friend-zoned too. It’s a very frustrating ordeal…

how did you end up in the friend zone/how to know if you are in the friendzone?

To be fair, I don’t know how females end up in the friend zone. I’ll make an educated guess & say that a girl may be friend zoned if the guy suspects she’s going to friend zone him, or if the guy happens to be very good looking & already has a lot of girls chasing him, he may friend zone a few of them that he finds are actually cool to chill with etc etc. Another reason that comes to mind is the idea of the chase. If you are constantly speaking to a guy first or arranging to see him, you take away from the chase. If a guy feels he doesn’t have to fight for your attention he may see you as “easy” & quickly lose interest.

With guys on the other hand, it’s a lot easier to explain. We’re all familiar with the good guy vs. bad guy concept. Females like a bad boy… Nice guys finish last, all that nonsense. There are two main types of males. Alpha males, who are assertive and “more attractive” to females, and then there are the Beta males. Beta males are less assertive and tend to have qualities that women require from a long-term relationship. So why are they being friend-zoned?? Because of their lack of assertiveness. They spend all their time waiting for the “right time” to make a move while all the time trying to get to know the woman. After some time, the woman may see him as a great friend and person she can confide him, & since he has taken so long to make a move, she may just assume he isn’t looking for that kind of thing.

These are the most blatant signs that you are in the friend zone. When a woman starts asking you for relationship advice or telling you any of her sexual business. She asks you to go bra shopping. She brushes off any attempts to talk in a flirtatious way, or she is flirty, she will always apologise for it. She will also avoid talking about sex… with you. 

When a girl is friend-zoned, it is a bit harder to tell. But, the way I see it, if a guy is into you, he will make effort. If you are constantly having to talk to him first, there’s a good chance you’re in the friend zone. If you are constantly having to make excuses for him not speaking to you. If he always seems busy. Your hinting to get together falls on deaf ears, there is a good chance you are in the friend zone.

how to get out of the friend zone

A word of warning. Attempting to get out of the friend zone would mean having to play games. If you don’t like to play games, it would be better to just move on and try to find someone else.
The best method to get out of the friend zone is as follows:

Step 1: Make yourself unavailable
if you spend a lot of time talking to them, stop it. Make yourself appear busy. You don’t have to be rude or mean, just apologise politely if they ask to see you or avoid spending more than 5-10 minutes on the phone. Try not to text back straight away… Making yourself unavailable will allow you to re-build the relationship, while also making the other person more curious.

step 2. Test the waters
Try talking to other people, if this plan doesn’t work out for you, who knows, you might find someone else. Go on a few dates, or if you can’t, still try to be seen with members of the opposite sex by the friend zoner. They may not have seen you in such a way, but people always want what they can’t have. If they see you with someone else, they will see a different side of you. In a girls case, this may re-awaken the chase in the guy, & for a girl, she will see that you are capable of being intimate. If you got friend zoned because the girl thought you weren’t into her, this will make her question maybe why you didn’t try it on her.

Step 3: Re-build the relationship
The next time you speak to them, don’t let it be on friendly terms. You need to be assertive. Be more flirtatious, joke about sex. The goal here is to eventually ask them on a date. Don’t leave it up to them. Have something planned. Try to think of a few alternatives because they may not want to do something. Try to avoid the cinemas or anything where your attention will be on something else for the majority of the time. A dinner or something. I wouldn’t really recommend this step for females because I don’t believe a woman should chase a man. The trick for women is to come back on the scene as a new woman. If he is used to seeing you dressed very conservatively or my tomboy-ish, re-invent your look temporarily. This doesn’t necessarily mean you should dress more revealing, but flashing a big of flesh, accentuate your shape with pieces that compliment your body shape. Carry yourself differently. But remember, he must always be the one to ask you on a date.

from here, you should be on your way to exiting the friend zone. But remember, this only works in some situations. It may just be that the person genuinely doesn’t have any feelings like that for you, & you must weigh up the pros & cons of whether you want to risk damaging your friendship. Also remember; you cannot ignore someone who isn’t already paying attention. 

Just a final note. I don’t like playing games with people & quite frankly, I’m not very good at it. If you find that you’ve been friend-zoned, the best advice I can give you is to move on & let go.

Losing Love

Losing Love

Ive been losing love, trying to
fit in with the rest of society
Ive been losing love, hoping
to get a little taste of life before
I have to get tied down…

But love is everywhere, its
inevitable to escape.
the first step is to find it –
& it overwhelms you to
the point where you just have
to share it with someone else

I almost had love once,
Love is always waiting, love
is patient… Theres enough love
for everyone, as long as theres
enough room in your own heart

Im losing love and I dont like it
I still break the bread &
sip the wine, guilty
concious I am not part-taking
whole-heartedly