Wasteman #4 – The One Who Refuses to Give You a Title

If there’s anything worse than a guy who forever makes you empty promises then the guy that refuses to give you title is definitely on the same level of wasteman-ism.

Whether this guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship from the beginning or tells you half way through the courtship he’s not ready for a relationship the two situations are equally as aggravating.

If a guy is treating you like his girl or he is expecting you to do things a girlfriend should do but he hasn’t made it official between you two – its very unlikely that he will eventually give you that title.

From experience & what other girls have told me, I’ve noticed a pattern. Its usually if you are a girl he’s dating just after he has come out of a long term relationship. You may not necessarily be a rebound like, but after a bad breakup a guy is usually reluctant to jump back on the monogamy wagon. Especially if he was with his ex for a few years. Don’t be offended – it takes a lot to jump back on that train & if he’s not ready you should give him time. If he isn’t being very responsive and seems distant he probably still misses his ex and there’s a good chance you could be a rebound like.

However if he swears he is offer his ex and he is taking you out on dates, wining & dining you, speaking to you everyday. Good morning & good night texts or phonecalls & he starts making demands like asking you too cook him food, massages, borrow money… Don’t be the stupid girl that gives him all the privileges a man receives from a girlfriend and not demand a title. He can use the wordsmith in him & make you feel like you should do these things. Here’s a few excuses he might throw around

– its just a title, its about what he have babe
– I’m scared of commitment
– I just got out of a bad relationship
– I thought you were okay with what we had
– I don’t want to ruin our friendship

For anyone reading this & nodding in agreement with the first bullet point let me explain the importance of The Title to a female. I agree that the relationship isn’t about the title of being girlfriend and boyfriend or husband and wife. Its about how you interact with eachother and naturally the best relationships are those born out of friendship. However a relationship is all about give and take. A woman needs to be respected and giving her a title is a way of showing that you respect her. Unless you have already agreed that you want to be friends with benefits and don’t want to put a label on the thing you have going on, so be it. But if you are taking a girl out, sleeping with her & expecting her to cater to your needs its only fair you show her the respect she deserves.

Let me give you an example from my own life. There’s was a guy I was seeing for the first half of last year and through the summer before I started university. I had been seeing him for a while and at one point he was the only person I went to go and see. I lost contact with most of my friends and acquaintances (though out of personal choice) & when people used to see us together all the time they naturally assumed we were in a relationship. It was so embarrassing when people used to ask me, is that your man, & I would reply no. It is humiliating to give all your time and effort to one person and treat them like they are your man when he hasn’t made it official. Even his friends thought we were a couple. & after 4 months when I asked him if we were – he replied he wasn’t ready to give me such a title. Having waited and waited it began to bother me that he was treating me like I was exclusively his and vice versa. He even met my mother & rest of my family. Finally when it was time for me to move to the other side of the country he became Mr. Why are you leaving me. I wasn’t going to wait around and hope for something that may never happen and jeopardise my own happiness and path in life.

How To Spot Him

I think from reading as much as you have so far you should have a good clue of what the characteristics of this type of man are. He is an opportunist that would rather keep you monogamous to him but not make it official. That way if he sleeps with another girl you have no right to cuss him out and slash his tyres.

Being with a man like this can be difficult. he leaves with no ground to stand on and may cause you to become insecure about yourself. Soon enough you’ll find yourself question “what’s wrong with me” as if its your fault he thinks he’s a clever so & so. If you don’t care about a title (& I will say, I thought I didn’t at first but after a while it does start to gnaw at you) then this is the man for you. He won’t necessarily treat you wrong but he can always up & leave with no strings attached any time he likes.

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Wasteman #1 – The Doubter

To kick start my new “feature” im going to be writing about I will start with a type of man I like to call “the doubter”.
I’ve been having a lot of doubters coming into my life recently and here is what I mean by that.

This is the type of the guy that is insecure about whether he is good enough for you. Almost like a stalker, a doubter will always overthink and over re-act to things you do, how you say them AND your omissions. To some girls it can be quite intense and you may feel like you are being backed into a corner and things may get too serious very early.

In extreme cases you may feel threatened as he can sometimes go to some crazy lengths to do stuff. Apart from being insecure about being good enough for you, he will also feel he needs to try extra hard to prove himself to you. Simply saying “I love you too” won’t silence him. He’ll start to think that you are just saying it to keep him happy.

This type of guy is grossly romantic and may sometimes seem suffocating and scary. He’s the type of guy to watch you sleep, ALL night – & not in the sweet romantic way, but he will be up all night thinking “oh my goodness, I don’t deserve this girl”…

He’s also quite immature when it comes to relationship and will assume that if things aren’t always happy and cheerful, it means you hate him or you want to end the relationship. Even if this isn’t the case (which in the beginning I’m assuming it wouldn’t be), his incessant nagging and pleading will drive you to the edge and cause a break up. Which won’t help much either because then he will assume that you were just planning to do it all along.

He can’t see what is wrong with his behaviour and this is what makes him a wasteman… He will think he is being the sort of gentleman every woman desires and that he is offering you the whole world on a silver platter, which you are showing very little appreciation for. If you do eventually leave him, or one day snap and tell him about himself he will feel deeply offended and try to make you feel like you are the one being irrational.

How do you spot him?

look out for signs such as constantly asking for reassurance very early in the relationship or during dating. This is usually a very good indicator. Also, another subtle inclination of this sort of behaviour is a longing for very dramatic text or phone conversations in early stages of dating/relationships.

Personally, I put up with a doubter for a few years (3 to be exact) and I may have stuck with him because I didn’t mind it too much, until it got obsessive.. Calling me at 2am during exam season to complain that we didn’t talk enough turned into a very scary situation. But I will respect him and not go into too much detail.. Yet.

You may be able to put up with a doubter however in my particular situation it turned out that he was also under the category of “The Ambitionless”

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

the real difference between men & women

the real difference between men & women

apart from obvious biological differences, I think one of the things that seems to be hidden in plain sight is how we love.

a woman, falls in love “lust” very quickly. She may not show it, but she’ll be complaining & moaning to her girlfriends & the guy, usually oblivious to his “wastemanish-ways” usually wont realise…

Now, if the female doesn’t get too frustrated to the point where she gives up on him, because he isnt giving her what she wants, they may initiate a relationship..

& after a while, the novelty will wear off & annoying habits will eventually grind on her nerves or for some other reason, the relationship will end. A few tearful conversations with her bestie & a couple of hours of bitching of how “he doesnt deserve you anyway” & she will have moved on.

For guys, they are slow to fall in love.. I think it may be because while women have the skill of giving attention to a lot of different things at once (multi-tasking), guys put a lot more energy in doing one task at one moment in time, therefore, once a guy sets his mind to something, he does it with his whole being. A man has to know that you are worth his time & being, & once he has “fallen in love” with you, the bond is usually very hard to break.

Following a break up, a man could be down for weeks, months, even years – & in the words of Shania Twain – the first cut is the deepest. The pain a man felt from his first heart-break will deter him from falling in love again & in immature men, love & settling down is the last thing on their mind..

so… rant over.