Racism is about POWER

In my “definition” of racism I agreed with the fact that racism is an irrational bias (positive OR negative) against a certain racial group.

I also agree that there is some form of prejudice or hatred towards white people – The general vibe I get from white people when I try to talk to them about racism, is that there is a fear of being called racist.

Rather than accepting that racism exists, they to try to justify that racism isn’t as bad as it is when white people are being stereotyped negatively as well. Here is what an old work colleague of mine commented on an angry fb status I wrote regarding a racist newspaper article I saw

to be fair, as a white male, i cannot claim racism, i cannot claim sexism, i cannot claim ageism (atm) i am in the most discriminated against section of society, as no-one will believe me if i claim any “ism” at all… and re. racism how come rappers can say the “N” word (see i am not allowed to type it without inciting racial hatred) all the time and no-one blinks an eye or claims inciting racial hatred by them…”

Jane Elliott’s brown eye blue eye experiment is a great example of white people denying racism. When the topic was raised that black people have to try harder to fit in and conform. One lady pointed out that her husband also has to conform! He has to wake up early and put on a suit and go to work. I was astounded that she was agreeing with the words coming out of her mouth – I’ve included a link a video of the experiment above.

There is a thin line between racism and prejudice, and that line in power. The suffix ‘-ism’ means a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement. If sexism and homophobia have been accepted in society, why is the meaning of racism so misunderstood.

In a beautiful example given by Dr. Joy DeGruy Leary asks her audience how white racism negatively affects black people – there were answers such as: job opportunity; housing; school performance etc.. When she asked the audience what negative affects black racism had … Silence. And that is exactly the point.

Racism becomes intertwined with the power systems, if the majority of lawyers, politicians, police officers etc are mostly white men, then there is a real imbalance with who works in highly influential positions which doesn’t reflect the rest of the population.

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Black Lives Matter

Not all white people are racist, but the system of white supremacy/privilege is racist. So.. can black people really be racist? Find out in my next blog post

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Communication is key

Communication is key

You’ve probably heard a million times that the key to a successful relationship is communication, and seriously, it is.
But the problem that most people have is that they either (1) Don’t know what communication is or (2) They can’t do the damn thing properly.

I also want to stress that communication between you and partner is the only communication you should be engaging in when it comes to expressing your feelings/problems you are having with your partner. More time (& mostly girls) you will be telling your friends everything that is happening. It gets to the point where it is you, your partner, and all your friends in the relationship. When you tell your friends the problem you are having with your partner there will always be a bias in your favour. So if your partner did something wrong and you tell your friends, you’re more likely to hear negative advice an feedback, which will then linger in your mind. Also, once youve said it once, you’re less likely to want to repeat yourself, especially if its a very complex problem to explain, so you end up never telling your partner and this is the worst thing you can do.

So with that being said, let me first explain what communication IS.

communication: noun, (from Latin “communis”, meaning to share) is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information…

Like I’ve already mention, if you have any problems with the relationship, this should only be discussed between you and your partner. One problem a lot of people have is not being able to say what is on their mind properly. This can be either because they havent thought about the problem enough to break it down, OR, they are scared they will sound stupid. There comes a point in your life when you just have to get over it and say what the fuck is on your mind.

With that being said, communication is a two way street. You cant be the only one spilling your heart out and the other person is non-responsive or doesnt know what to say in response. You shouldnt force someone to talk to you, BUT sometimes it is necessary. The biggest reason a partner may be unresponsive is they don’t understand how serious the issue is. Especially with one sided problems, a partner may be unaware of your grievances and may therefore not acknowledge the fact that what you are trying to tell them is more serious than they think. Lay everything out on the table. In a worst case scenario you may even get emotional and start crying… But if you do, don’t shrug off the issue, try to calm down and still say what needs to be said, or it will never get sorted out.

The best sort of communication is done face to face, so, now you have a better idea of what communication is, I can go into explaining how to do it properly.

As I mentioned earlier, communication is  two way street. Even if a problem has only been affecting one person in the relationship, leave room for the unaffected partner to share a piece of their mind. If you are on the receiving end of hearing a problem, no matter how trivial it may seem, treat it with seriousness. In most cases, small pet peeves can snowball into massive arguments in the future, so its best to solve the problem as soon as possible. Additionally, someones problem may be very abstract and hard to explain, and in order to explain, may think of past scenarios – to you it may sound stupid, but still treat it like a serious issue. Theres nothing worse than building up the courage to tell someone how you really feel about them, especially if it has a negative connotation, and then for your opinion to be shrugged off as irrelevant or insignificant. There is that magic word again (Irrelevant – read more about that here).

so, for those on the receiving end:

1. Treat any problems that are brought up as highly serious, and always assume there is more to it than mentioned.
2. If you really are uninterested or disagree with something (i.e., you dont believe you’re being “inconsiderate” in the relationship etc) give a valid reason and explain fully what you think about the issue.
3. If you have something on your mind that is unrelated, resolve the first problem mentioned before moving on, otherwise it could lead to an argument.

for those who want to raise an issue:

1. Pick a right time to bring it up, preferably not in public, and when both of you aren’t hungry (most people are snappy and over-emotional when they are hungry)
2. Don’t just open your mouth and say the first thing that comes to your mind, make sure you bring it up in the least accusing way.
3. Respect their opinion, if they don’t believe that they are a selfish person, for example, listen to what they have to say, and if anything – agree to disagree
4. Try to mention problems as early as possible so it doesnt snowball into something disastrous.
5. Avoid telling anyone else before you have spoken about the problem with your partner.

 

On an end note, always aim to end the conversation with something positive. Even if you agree to disagree, this is better than going to bed with negative thoughts, especially if the talk is right before you go to sleep as this can cause insomnia, nightmares, and often cause you to wake up angry.

Wasteman #7 – The Rude One

Everyone can be a little bit rude or have a bad day, but there are some guys who are beyond the point of cute banter and are just downright pricks.

The rude wasteman usually claims to be emotionally detached and warns you not to catch feelings, or if at any time you try to bring up the subject of liking each other/getting together or whatever, he will either ignore you or change the subject or pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

The genius of the Rude One is that they have mastered the art of the Wordsmith and cropped down to just one word that can make himself irrestible to almost any woman. Irrelevant.

Don’t be confused by the wording – the word irrelevant is so powerful it will leave you confused and wanting more of him. Let’s say you snap under the pressure of not getting much of a response out of him and you send him a long txt/ping/KIK/whatsapp of how you feel about him and what a prick he has been… Rather than replying in retaliation or just saying OK, the rude one will ask what the hell you are going on about and when or if you take the time to explain and simplify what you want, he’ll reply that everything you just said is Irrelevant.

Its more aggravating than if he were just to reply ‘OK’ or ‘k.’ But this one word has now managed to make you yourself feel ‘irrelevant’ and it also creates an air of mystery about him. No guy can receive a long paragraph message from a girl and not have an opinion about it. Its a power play. You are confused and probably more upset than before and now you want to try harder to get a reaction out of him.

The main problem with majority of the female species is that we are hell-bent on changing a guy we like but who doesn’t necessarily treat us like we want him to. You will never be able to change a guy. If his nature is rude, he is going to continue to be rude. Most likely the more you try to change him the ruder he may get. It’s in your best  to “kick his ass to the curb”. Seriously, you’ll just end up having an emotional break down & crying underneath a table *cough cough*…

How To Spot Him

All it takes is the magic word.. He may start out with cute banter, but as soon as he says the word Irrelevant (a few times, give him a chance), alarm bells should be ringing.

This type of guy is not for those sweet and innocent girls out there. Its not that a rude guy is incapable of loving, it may just be that he’s not really that into you. To be honest, if a guy really likes you, he should go out his way to make you feel special. There is no such thing as a person making you feel like shit by accident, multiple times. If you think you can handle a rude guy, don’t get too emotionally attached too soon. If you stick through it you don’t have to worry about other girls wanting him or him cheating. He may be testing you to see if you’ll stick around later.

Go to the 50 Shades of Wastemen page for more posts.

Who are you to judge?

Who are you to judge?

look at this picture..  what if I told you he was black? What are the first assumptions that come to mind. What if I told you he was white? What would you think then? Why does this even matter? The other day I was in the car with my mum and she saw a black man riding a bike, his hair was unkept & he was wearing a beenie. Out of nowhere she said “druggie”… I was infuriated by her remark. Who is she to judge his life and to say that he is on drugs. Because he’s riding a bike? Because his hair is unkept. She has no idea what is going on in this mans life, & within 5 seconds of seeing him from a distance she judges him. He may have been having a rough day – in todays economic climate everyone is struggling & he may be right at the bottom of this vicious cycle. But then again, now I’m judging…

Why do we as humans are so quick to judge others but then be in denial of our own situation?

There was a psychological study conducted on the factors of addictive behaviour, namely on attributions

(internal or external – what they blame their behaviour on). A group of smokers were asked to describe WHY they still smoked & they blamed it on other things such as the environment or peer pressure. Then they were provided with 4 fictitious scenarios of other people who smoked. The same participants were then asked why these other people still smoked. They blamed the people & said they had “low self-control” ..

The amazing thing that this study revealed was how people judge others. When asked to evaluate their own situation they were quick to blame it on something outside of their control (external attribution style) but when asked to judge other people in the same position as them they blamed the person & said they had no self-control (which would be an internal attribution if they were to blame themselves). It’s a defence mechanism, “saving face” – something I’ve talked about before.

Don’t be so quick to judge others – everyone may not have gone through what youve been through, but everyones still had shit happen to them in their life.. Even those little posh white kids that were raised in countrysides with multi-billionaire mummies & daddies & their own horse named Bob.

rant over.

Break Ups: The Healing Process

Break Ups: The Healing Process

I’m not too sure what boys go through when it comes to breaking up; but from experience, this is what I have seen a lot of females go through, not always in the same order but usually the same stages…

STAGE 1: deep depression

this is usually always the first stage. It can kick in anywhere between just seconds after the break-up to a couple of days after. Symptoms include: Crying herself to sleep; eating too much or not at all; listening to slow jams 24/7; no motivation. Her girlfriends usually fuel the fire & there is usually a bitching fest where 2 or more females gather & pick apart her ex for ever flaw he has.

STAGE 2: excessive partying/drinking

In an attempt to get over the heart ache, a girl may start partying/raving/drinking more than usual. Any opportunity to go out will suffice. Nothing can be done about this other than letting her do what shes doing. Its just a phase after all – it usually lasts about a week worth of partying, because she’ll soon get tired of having hangovers.

STAGE 3: extremely horny

The roast is real my friends! What is “roast?” – it is being horny beyond reason-ability. A while after the break-up & not having regular sex anymore, the horniness sets in. It attacks you at the most silly times. Even if you weren’t having sex with your partner – or ive seen situations where the girl wasn’t in a relationship with the guy, the most they had done was kiss – she was still extremely horny. In some situations the girl may give in to this feeling & go get get laid. I’ve also heard of situations where a relationship was never in the future but after not speaking to the guy she liked for a little bit & with him being a “jerk”, she was still extremely horny & just wanted to have sex with the guy & stop speaking to him as a form of revenge. I think she got friendzoned. 

STAGE 4: bitching

this is where the healing process begins. After coming to her senses & returning to a normal routine she will start exposing everything about her ex that she hates. Her friends did this for her during her deep depression phase but it was just generic comments like “He was a wasteman anyway!”, “he doesn’t deserve you” etc etc etc., now the REAL bitch fest begins. This will include excessive txting/pinging & calling all the girls & laying her ex’s shit bare for everyone to see. This is the most dangerous stage because if there are any XXX pictures she may expose him. She may also exaggerate certain things when speaking to her friends and chinese whispers can cause a lot of trouble. However, bitching is a vital step of the healing process, though not always executed. Bitching = making the other seem unappealing to the self. The female will convince herself that she never liked the ex in the first place.

STAGE 5: nostalgia

From anything to a few weeks to a few months, in some cases even years – the heart break will begin to subdue. If the bitching stage was used this process may be sped up. She will have come to terms with the break up although there may still be traces of nostalgia, especially if it was a long term relationship.

Usually females are completely over a break up when they begin to look for a [long-term] partner again. That is not so say they may not look for a partner before. This is usually the case, i.e., a rebound. When a new partner is sought not in desperation because she feels lonely & misses cuddles, but because she is ready to start a new page in her life. She may also try new things, i.e., a new job, explore another interest etc.

So, how accurate do you think this is? Let me know in the comments below.
Have you experienced the same things? & what is the break up process like for guys?

thanks for reading.

Late Fashion Trends

Late Fashion Trends

I dont know who some people think they are. I’m not really into fashion, but I have a pretty good memory & i can spot when someone is copying something Ive seen somewhere else.
So, I’ve been on youtube last night and this morning watching hair tutorials.. Even though I dont have white people hair, I just find it interesting :).. Anyway, I just came across a tutorial called “Quick 2 Minute Updo” its from 2009, & the girl in in basically describes that her grandmother has just come from Japan & bought her a magazine & she found a nice hair style in it. The hair style is this swag that recently a lot girls have started doing. A chelsie bun or whatever its called, where the hair is in a bun at the front of your head – & the ends look like theyre tucked under the bun. Yeah. this video is from 2009 people. & people jumping on the style now as if its NEW.
There’s so many incidents of this happening – people dont realise theres no such thing as originality. People are getting most of their fashion ideas from the 80s area nowadays. If youre going to jump on a trend dont hype & say its new, because your parents have probably been there, done that.
The same thing goes for Aztec print – the youtube gurus have been raving and reviewing Aztec since early 2011 & only now people wanna jump on the wave. Yeah it’s nice but don’t pretend its the new thing, you’re just late.
Sadly, this applies mainly to black people. Yes, I said it. Black people are so late to jump on trends. i.e, I used to live in New Zealand, from 2000 –  2006 & while I was there the hype was around Converses, mainly, Chuck Taylors. But, I used to hang out with skaters, they wore Chuck Taylors because they were good shoes to wear & they would let them get messy. They didnt care about keeping them clean. Now, people are purposely wearing dirty converses.. Then, back to the point of black people, they will hype up the Converses & cry if a bit of mud gets on them. Grrr, these children just need to sit down.
People need to do some research if they want to follow a trend, find out its source, & dont just blindly follow the crowd.
Im gunna side-track but, I just wanna say, America is waaay behind on a time-scale, & yes its not their fault, but im just ranting anyway because I really dont like America. By the time it was Christmas here, they were still in Christmas Eve.. & Australia were already half way through Christmas! It pisses me off that everything has to be on Americas time, most things on the internet anyway. Online Sales, twitter etc..
But thats just my opinion, what do you think?

Au Natural

Au Natural

What does it mean to be “natural” – no weave, no make-up? Or does it mean more than that.. If your hair is relaxed your not natural anymore, are you? No, because your hair isnt in its natural state..

Have you shaped your eyebrows? Then you’re not natural..

Have you got your nails done? Your legs shaved, your moustache shaved, your chin hair plucked, your armpits shaved – then you are NOT natural..Make-up, false eyelashes, hair extensions.. STOP HATING..Females love to hate on eachother.. A phenomenon I’m still trying to find a valid explanation for – psychological or not. But the next time you see a girl with messed up weave & you remark “ew, look at her crusty weave” look at yourself first. I’ve had my fair share of weaves, and done countless things to my hair, relaxed, coloured, bleached, straightened etc, weave is just another form of making yourself up – because we all know that if we NEVER did anything to ourselves and went “au natural” half the pretty girls you see all over Tumblr etc. wouldnt exist…

rant over.