Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.

Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.


Since the feminist revolution the view point of women has been changed. The norm seems to be for women to say “I don’t need a man” (emphasis on the word need); but then we are left wanting a man. However, as much as this view has been instilled in us – I think the appropriate thing to say would be “I dont want a man, but I need one”…

Now before you start building up rage in your chest & giving me the independent women speech – let me explain myself.  Biologically, women are hard-wired to find a man – to provide for them & to reproduce with. Men on the other hand (from an evolutionary perspective) strive to have multiple partners; for the simple reason that they want to ensure their genes are carried to the next generation. Women don’t have the problem of not knowing if their offspring has their genes. But I digress.

One of the reasons I think that men are so important is this biological hard-wiring. A woman can be independent, have her shit together, have a career, hobbies, a great social life and all the rest of it. But without a man in her life – there is a hole that needs to be filled. She doesn’t necessarily Need a man in her life, but she may want one.

Wanting a man can lead to coming across as desperate or clingy if you do find one. Whereas, if you have the mentality that you need one (but are willing to wait & let things fall into place) you allow for the relationship to flourish in it’s own time… Which is always better than rushing into things because you feel lonely.

I don’t think you should actively seek out a serious relationship if you don’t have your shit together.  Looking for a relationship because you’re bored or lonely is not the right thing to do. It’s better to try to get active. Get serious about your studies or job/career, join a gym, take classes in something you’ve always had a passion for, travel, get more involved with your friends. These are all things you can do – you shouldn’t WANT a man.

So, that being dealt with; here’s my reasons of why you should need a man. I don’t use the word men in the general sense of the gender, but a real man. But that’s a different post all together. We need a real man not just because of our evolutionary or biological cues, but because of the way men and women are different. Take two identical situations, a man and woman both have satisfaction in their career, hobbies and social life with family & friends. The only thing missing a partner. A man may be able to fill his sexual desires with a  woman he barely knows, however, if a woman wanted to get rid of her hornyness, sleeping with a man she barely knew would not deal with the problem. It would either make it worse; or she may get attached to man she had no intention of getting attached to. Women desire more of an emotional bond compared to a physical one.

I’m not saying that men don’t desire to be loved or to be in a relationship, but in most cases, this desire to have a life partner is not present until later on in life, after they have done all their stupidness in their teenage years/early 20’s.

So, I’ll let you think what you want – I wonder what you will think of this post, I can see it being heavily criticised. I have a lot more to say, so don’t just think my argument is based on sexual satisfaction being a reason for why we need a man; it’s just a bit long winded & this post would have been way too long. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

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Why mixed-race people are seen as more “attractive”

Why mixed-race people are seen as more “attractive”

Don’t shoot the messenger – this is the biological reason of why mixed-race people appear to be more attractive than other races. It may not apply to the majority or as a long-term thing. But in terms of seeing someone for the first time & those first moments of attraction, this is the answer.

Attraction is not subjective as some people think. It is objective. People on average prefer people with more symmetrical and average features. Not average as in what is “averagely” attractive – but lips for example – if you took all the lips in the world & found out what the average lip is, mixed-race people are more likely to have them. For example, take the extreme of a very “white” lip (usually associated with being very thin) and a very “black” lip – if they reproduce, the lips of the mixed child will be “average”. Not too big, not too small.

The reason for this attraction towards more average things is because it is “easier” on the eye in a sense. Someone with a lot of complex features – take someone like Kate Moss for example, when we look at her we have to pick her features apart to see her “beauty”. For a mixed-race person, because most of their features are more average or “generic” (think of the Sims) it is easier to “take in” all of their features at once.

As a side note – I know Megan Fox isn’t mixed race but she has been counted one of the more beautiful women in society multiple signs & scientists believe this is because her face is very symmetrical.

mixed-race

Not All Guys Are Jerks

Not All Guys Are Jerks

There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Most men cannot balance on that line and therefore fall to one side or the other. Women are attracted to a confident, strong willed man. Cocky jerks get more women because even though they think of themselves more than anyone around them, they still have confidence. Men who fall to the other side are so emotionally wrapped up in the whole “he man” thing that they don’t feel they are man enough to get the women, and as such, women read that in them and don’t feel attracted.

Us women cant help it – from an evolutionary perspective, we are prone to be more attracted to the “bad boy” because
(1) women seek a man who can look after them
(2) confidence translates as they wont be afraid to fight for you..

The saying that “all men are the same” seems to be thrown around a lot.. But why is this? What makes a guy a jerk – is it that you let him hit it & then he up & left? Or maybe he doesnt give you as much attention as you would want? Maybe he has a girlfriend & you’re his little bit on the side..

None of these are the guys fault.. its 2012 & theres plenty of sources out there telling you that when a guy gets hard, his brain is no longer in control. So why are you moaning when he fucks you & then leaves? you knew it would happen. Why are you complaining that hes a jerk, because hes cheating on his girlfriend with you? – why are you a sideline hoe in the first place…

The problem is mainly because of the message portrayed by the media.. When we watch films – especially the Disney films, or films like Their Eyes Were On God, or Friends With Benefits.. Any guy that falls short of being perfect is a jerk.. Not all guys are mind readers, they dont know what you want – but females WANT a guy to just KNOW what they want. You dont want to give them any hint.. because in reality females dont know what they want anyway.. The media portrays roses as being romantic, but what if a girl doesnt like roses? Now youre both in a dilemma because neither party know what the female wants..

The media representations of what a perfect guy is is hard for a guy to live up to. Then, when they do manage to do something – i.e. write you a poem or love song we turn around a criticise them & call them “weak” & “not a real man” … What about the middle man? Not all women are perfect, yet they feel that they DESERVE a perfect man.. WHAT MAKES YOUR PUSSY SO DIFFERENT? you have to bring something different to the table other than good looks & good sex. Once you achieve this THEN you will deserve the perfect man.

Why Attractive People Find It Hard To Find Long-Term Relationships

Why Attractive People Find It Hard To Find Long-Term Relationships
strong jawline/high cheekbones

So, its 3 am, & ive been watching some psychology videos (as you do) & i came across this really interesting topic. A couple of years ago, a study was released in the UK that basically said that a woman could tell if a man would be a player or a potential husband just by looking at his face? sounds strange right? but heres the logic behind it.

Basically, the male hormone Testosterone has a major role to play in this. One of the things that testosterone affects is appearance. A male with high testosterone, is more likely to have a stronger jawline, a thicker/stronger brow ridge, higher cheekbones etc. Males also have the female hormone oestrogen, but not as much – males with high oestrogen will have softer features, such as a rounder face, softer forehead region etc. This study found that females can detect this at a sub-conscious level and from this, we make a decision if he is a suitable partner. Females reason that a male with more testosterone is more likely to be a player.

From an evolutionary perspective – and this is what really amazed me because these are the types I go for but never realised – a male with higher testosterone with more attractive features we see as a potential “player” because
                 (1) Being more attractive means he will have more female attention.
                 (2) The more female attention he has, the chances of him cheating rise
he could be the most faithful guy in the world but to potential partners it can still be a threat because of the competition. Some girls may be discouraged if they think they will have to fight over a guy.

We try to avoid this for the obvious reason of the threat of infidelity (your partner cheating) but ALSO, this is a theory i have come across in psychology before – its called Mate Guarding. This is basically something you will have seen before, its just the official name for it. An example of mate guarding in a nutshell, at a party for example, there is always that couple, & the boy is just right THERE – dancing with his girl. watching her from a far if he goes to get a drink, he’s trying NOT to leave her side. Other forms of this are constantly phoning them, and PDA’s (public displays of affection) .. Females do this as well, but in different forms.

So, if we see that a male is more attractive, we want to avoid having to Mate Guard because it can be very exhausting. If females are looking for a long-term commitment they will go for the softer looking male.

As for males, it works exactly the same way –
If a female is attractive, she’s more likely to get more attention, sub-consciously, this is interpreted as “more likely to cheat” and etc etc etc.

so, there you go. your answer in short, why attractive people find it harder to get into a relationship.

The black cycle

The black cycle
holding hands

What is the psychology behind racism & prejudice? What is it that can cause such hateful feelings towards a person or group? Let me explain in lay mans terms. I’m only explaining the racism again MINORITIES here.

Humans are governed by groups. Groups control almost everything we do & though we like to think we are individual & we are alright by ourselves, we have all been influenced by a group at one point. There are too many people in the world for us to form an opinion on all of them individually, we form stereotypes of certain groups. Stereotypes & prejudice are not to be confused as being the same, though they are similar. Stereotypes aren’t always negative & usually hold a kernel of truth as they are based to some extent on observations. But let me not get side-tracked. The problem with racism is that, though it can go both ways, it seems to affect black people and other ethnic minorities more because of the simple fact that they are just that. A minority. Based on the psychology – as humans, we want to know how to act around certain people etc. The process of grouping and stereotyping I mentioned before is made a lot simpler here because if a group is small already, i.e., a minority, rather than splitting them into smaller groups and sub-categories, they are all looked at the same way.

Another reason is the concept of the “in-group vs. the out-group”. Like I said before, humans are to some extent governed by groups. When we find a group we identify with, we feel loyal to them & this is known as our in-group. Anything outside that; rather than being split into different groups, i.e., “we’re against this, that & the other group”, all other groups are clumped into one massive group, the out-group. To you & your group, the police is just as bad as that group of bullies at school or whatever. Anything done to the in-group is usually over-exaggerated and made a big deal out of.

We can’t expect racism to just end. We haven’t had enough time to get to that stage, however, it’s not getting any better either. A survey done in Britain in 2003 showed that 31% of people openly admitted to being racially prejudiced. The number seems low, however, this is the same as it was in 1987.

The main problem, in my opinion, is a lack of understanding. When I moved to where I am currently living – I noticed the lack of ethnic minorities & although Britain is becoming a very multicultural place, some places have not been exposed enough. From the perspective of a white person, they may not understand what it feels like to be discriminated against because of something that is out of their control, i.e., skin colour. That is not to say that only ethnic minorities get discriminated against, fat people may get bullied, difficulty finding clothes etc. However they can change things about themselves. You can’t do anything about the colour of your skin or your heritage.

Now, before you continue reading, I encourage you to watch this social experiment. There are 3 parts to it, here is the first, the rest you’ll find in related videos. “How Racist Are You?” | part 1 | Jane Elliott’s Brown Eye-Blue Eye Experiment

Hopefully the video showed you the issues.

the black cycle 

so what is the black cycle? There are certain negative stereotypes associated with being black. To name a few these include, violence, ignorance, stupid & loud. These stereotypes are instilled from a young age via the media & maybe prejudices from parents, other children at school etc.

Let me give you a scenario. The stereotype here is that black people are violent, confrontational and argumentative. Let’s say someone passes a black person in the street, its 2 in the afternoon & as they walk past, they hold onto their bag tighter. The black person may notice & get angry at this form of discrimination – they may confront them & start arguing. Things may escalate & police may get involved. The whole situation could have been avoided. The black person didn’t have to make such a scene, but then, the person shouldn’t have reacted in such a way. They have no reason to be afraid. Now arising from this situation, the black person may have gotten arrested, and all the stereotypes are reinforced in the eyes of any speculators.

A common problem these days is employment. Ethnic minorities are very under-represented in employment. However, it most cases, most people do want to work, jobs are just hard to come by. There is more pressure on a minority group as their family may not be as wealthy as others. Some people do not NEED a job as badly as others. If employers are prejudiced about hiring black people & they don’t give them opportunities, this may lead to other behaviours. A mother may need to support her family, however cannot get any work, so may turn to easier ways out. Fraudulent and other criminal activities. Young people may turn to selling drugs. In turn, the stereotype is fed. Arising from the criminal activities, they may get arrested & now they have a criminal record, it’s even harder for them to get a job & the cycle continues.

This is where lack of understanding comes in again. It’s easy to say, “oh, just get a job, the rest of us have to do it”, but it’s not as easy as that. Let me give you a personal example. A friend of mine has been looking for work for over 6 months. She has been vigilant in her job hunting and although she can find vacancies, she never gets call backs or interviews. She even came to the area before moving here to hand out CVs. She’s black by the way. 2-3 weeks ago, one of her friends started looking for work. He’s white. In his 2 weeks of job hunting, he got an interview. Similarly, another of her friends, also white, has received 4/5 job offers in the last 6 months, 2 of which she didn’t call back after she had completed trial runs. You can’t say that is pure chance.

My friend has no current source of income, not even her family. While others are complaining that they don’t have money to buy alcohol or to go out partying until their parents give them money the following week, others don’t have ANYTHING coming from their parents & hardly have money to have a well-balanced diet.

Some people don’t even want to work, they just want the money for leisurely activities, while others, such as me & my friend actually want to work.

No-one can tell me that racism isn’t a problem. & this whole idea of playing the system is bullsh*t as well.

Anytime I have talked to someone of the older generation about it, they say, “that’s the way life is, you just have to play the game”.. It seems that only a certain type of black person is acceptable. Well-spoken, well-dressed etc. Why should they have to conform to such customs? If a white man was a “skinhead”, these are just a “small proportion” of white people, but when a black person does something wrong, their behaviour is seen as a reflection of the whole race.

This post has gotten way too long & I’ve barely skimmed the surface, but I strongly encourage you to watch the video I linked above.

Don’t hate on behalf of others

Don’t hate on behalf of others

Imagine this scenario… You have just moved into your new flat & naturally, you get to know your housemates. Let’s assume you get close to one of them but soon enough there’s someone that they don’t like. We’ve all experienced this in school, one of your friends doesn’t like someone, so, on their behalf you “dislike them too”, you ignore them & everything they seem to do begins to annoy you. This is not a good idea… Rather than conforming to your group & “disliking” this person who has done nothing towards you, you should get to know them & see whether you like them or not. You don’t have to but, they haven’t done anything to you.. Yes, you may have some instinctive behavioural inclination to protect those that are close to you. You’ve heard they did your friend wrong & you dislike them for this reason. But you have no reason to do this. If your friend is encouraging you to dislike them then maybe you should consider whether they are a good friend or not. Anyway, back to the scenario. We are assuming that you have just met this person & you are disliking someone on their behalf already – do not make this mistake. First of all, you have no idea what your “new flatmate” is like. More often times than not, they will have had a disagreement with this person & they may eventually compromise or agree to disagree and become good friends. Now you are left looking like an idiot..

WHY WE FEEL INCLINED TO DISLIKE OTHERS ON SOMEONES BEHALF

There are many reasons why we may hate someone, here’s a few I can think of.

1. Self Protection

in some cases, if we hear that someone has done something towards someone that we know – for example, I knew a girl once & one of her “friends” (Lets call her Beth) slept with her boyfriend – Beth then said “Yeah I slept with her man, I wanted to prove that I could get any man I wanted” … She had no shame, she wasn’t even sorry. Quite a few people, including myself were completely shocked & she lost a lot of friends. If you hear something like this, its not the actual act towards to victim that make you dislike a person, but the fear that that person may do the same to you. In this situation, they were very close friends & when she did what she did, that showed everyone that it didn’t matter if they were friends or not – she could do the exact same to you..
more over, in this situation, they made up again. The girl even took Beth on holiday with her. Now everyone hating on Beth looked like an idiot.

2. Protective Instincts

If you are close to someone & you hear someone has done something to do them its instinct to “protect your own”. When we are part of a group we feel a certain degree of loyalty to that group. Anyone outside that group is known as the out-group. Rather than other individual groups being a threat in their own, ANYTHING outside this group is just one big group. For example, we would perceive the police and a “rival gang” as exactly the same. At the end of the day they are not a part of your group. If someone threatens your group, especially if you have a strong loyalty, you’re more likely to want to protect them.

Is our generation ignorant?

Is our generation ignorant?

The answer of course is yes. But why? It’s enough to say that we are ignorant as a generation, but to provide no reasons for it is even worse.

First thing is first. In what way are we ignorant? Personally, I think the worst sense of ignorance is the extent to which we conform. What is conformity? The easiest way for me to describe it is “mindlessly following the crowd, just because”. There are two types of conformity, and our generation is a major culprit in both areas. There is obviously, normal conformity – we just do what every else is doing, without really questioning why we’re doing it. Often, we conform in order to feel part of a group. Most teenagers feel like they need to be part of a group, otherwise they feel like outsiders which can lead to insecurities and in more cases than we often think, can lead to self-harm. The internet is a dangerous thing. Facebook, twitter and Tumblr all allow for us to be connected almost instantaneously & we are bombarded with images & ideas more so than any other generation. The problem is that, with this element of conformity (which is a phenomena shared among ALL human beings not just our generation) combined with the speed of the internet, we often adopt ideas without really thinking about WHY we support such ideas.

A recent example is the Kony 2012 campaign. If you don’t know what it is, I’m not going into it in detail here, you can find plenty about it on youtube. The 30 minute video quickly went viral and millions of teenagers suddenly thought they were social activists. I must admit, I was slyly sucked in by the campaign. I posted the video on facebook, but that was as far as it went. I’m pretty sure people still believe it’s a genuine cause, but since its been launched there has been a lot of criticism and the creator of the video, Jason Russell was arrested for disturbing the peace, allegedly running around naked and masturbating while “under the influence” of something.

Now this is my problem with it. Millions watched the video and obviously, were moved by it’s content .. THEN, they were quick to jump on the bandwagon & donate money to this cause without thinking of the obvious warning signs. The main issue was, for a non-profit company, HOW did they have all this merchandise ready in such a “short” time as they say. If I go into it, this post will be WAY too long so here are 2 videos that will shed some more light on the situation. Ugandan girl gives her reasons why Kony 2012 is a scam and Phoney Kony: Nabil Goes In – more reasons why Kony2012 is bullsh*t

In short, we follow what everyone else is doing without thinking of it ourselves. Then the other type of conformity is the ANTI-conformist. These are the people that go AGAINST everything they see everyone else doing. An example is, if everyone is dyeing they hair blonde, they may dye it black or brown. If they listen to a particular artists, as soon as everyone else jumps on the bandwagon, they stop listening to them. It’s still ignorant behaviour because they are still going against the crowd without valid reason.

Moving on. As I mentioned before, the internet bombards us with images and ideas daily. This leads to two things. ONE. We have so much information available to us now that mastery is hard to achieve. What is mastery? Apparently it’s one of the things humans strive to achieve during life and one of the “keys to happiness” – with so much information it’s hard for us to keep track and our mind is overwhelmed. Many people say that the only times they can think clearly is when they are on the toilet. A peculiar statement, but if you really think about it, it makes sense. This generation are so submerged in the technological movement that we rarely see people outside today unless it’s a rave or something & even there, with mobile internet, its hard to get away. So, sitting on the toilet, we have time to think like that, unless you take your laptop to the toilet, then I don’t know for you o.

The second reason, because there are so many ideas thrown at us so fast we often adopt them then push them to the back of our minds, and although this may seem harmless, these ideas may sprout into seeds which can turn into something bigger.

But there is hope. I know a lot of people who are able to think for themselves. The best way to tackle the ignorance of the generation is to teach children to question their motives and WHY they are doing something. & I don’t mean to question WHY they have to do chores or why their parents tell them to do something. But that’s a whole different subject I don’t even wanna get into.

Yes, the generation is ignorant, but there are a lot of us out there that don’t just mindlessly follow what everyone else is doing & ask the right questions at the right time.