Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.

Why we shouldn’t “want” a man, we should “need” one.


Since the feminist revolution the view point of women has been changed. The norm seems to be for women to say “I don’t need a man” (emphasis on the word need); but then we are left wanting a man. However, as much as this view has been instilled in us – I think the appropriate thing to say would be “I dont want a man, but I need one”…

Now before you start building up rage in your chest & giving me the independent women speech – let me explain myself.  Biologically, women are hard-wired to find a man – to provide for them & to reproduce with. Men on the other hand (from an evolutionary perspective) strive to have multiple partners; for the simple reason that they want to ensure their genes are carried to the next generation. Women don’t have the problem of not knowing if their offspring has their genes. But I digress.

One of the reasons I think that men are so important is this biological hard-wiring. A woman can be independent, have her shit together, have a career, hobbies, a great social life and all the rest of it. But without a man in her life – there is a hole that needs to be filled. She doesn’t necessarily Need a man in her life, but she may want one.

Wanting a man can lead to coming across as desperate or clingy if you do find one. Whereas, if you have the mentality that you need one (but are willing to wait & let things fall into place) you allow for the relationship to flourish in it’s own time… Which is always better than rushing into things because you feel lonely.

I don’t think you should actively seek out a serious relationship if you don’t have your shit together.  Looking for a relationship because you’re bored or lonely is not the right thing to do. It’s better to try to get active. Get serious about your studies or job/career, join a gym, take classes in something you’ve always had a passion for, travel, get more involved with your friends. These are all things you can do – you shouldn’t WANT a man.

So, that being dealt with; here’s my reasons of why you should need a man. I don’t use the word men in the general sense of the gender, but a real man. But that’s a different post all together. We need a real man not just because of our evolutionary or biological cues, but because of the way men and women are different. Take two identical situations, a man and woman both have satisfaction in their career, hobbies and social life with family & friends. The only thing missing a partner. A man may be able to fill his sexual desires with a  woman he barely knows, however, if a woman wanted to get rid of her hornyness, sleeping with a man she barely knew would not deal with the problem. It would either make it worse; or she may get attached to man she had no intention of getting attached to. Women desire more of an emotional bond compared to a physical one.

I’m not saying that men don’t desire to be loved or to be in a relationship, but in most cases, this desire to have a life partner is not present until later on in life, after they have done all their stupidness in their teenage years/early 20’s.

So, I’ll let you think what you want – I wonder what you will think of this post, I can see it being heavily criticised. I have a lot more to say, so don’t just think my argument is based on sexual satisfaction being a reason for why we need a man; it’s just a bit long winded & this post would have been way too long. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

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Why mixed-race people are seen as more “attractive”

Why mixed-race people are seen as more “attractive”

Don’t shoot the messenger – this is the biological reason of why mixed-race people appear to be more attractive than other races. It may not apply to the majority or as a long-term thing. But in terms of seeing someone for the first time & those first moments of attraction, this is the answer.

Attraction is not subjective as some people think. It is objective. People on average prefer people with more symmetrical and average features. Not average as in what is “averagely” attractive – but lips for example – if you took all the lips in the world & found out what the average lip is, mixed-race people are more likely to have them. For example, take the extreme of a very “white” lip (usually associated with being very thin) and a very “black” lip – if they reproduce, the lips of the mixed child will be “average”. Not too big, not too small.

The reason for this attraction towards more average things is because it is “easier” on the eye in a sense. Someone with a lot of complex features – take someone like Kate Moss for example, when we look at her we have to pick her features apart to see her “beauty”. For a mixed-race person, because most of their features are more average or “generic” (think of the Sims) it is easier to “take in” all of their features at once.

As a side note – I know Megan Fox isn’t mixed race but she has been counted one of the more beautiful women in society multiple signs & scientists believe this is because her face is very symmetrical.

mixed-race

Not All Guys Are Jerks

Not All Guys Are Jerks

There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Most men cannot balance on that line and therefore fall to one side or the other. Women are attracted to a confident, strong willed man. Cocky jerks get more women because even though they think of themselves more than anyone around them, they still have confidence. Men who fall to the other side are so emotionally wrapped up in the whole “he man” thing that they don’t feel they are man enough to get the women, and as such, women read that in them and don’t feel attracted.

Us women cant help it – from an evolutionary perspective, we are prone to be more attracted to the “bad boy” because
(1) women seek a man who can look after them
(2) confidence translates as they wont be afraid to fight for you..

The saying that “all men are the same” seems to be thrown around a lot.. But why is this? What makes a guy a jerk – is it that you let him hit it & then he up & left? Or maybe he doesnt give you as much attention as you would want? Maybe he has a girlfriend & you’re his little bit on the side..

None of these are the guys fault.. its 2012 & theres plenty of sources out there telling you that when a guy gets hard, his brain is no longer in control. So why are you moaning when he fucks you & then leaves? you knew it would happen. Why are you complaining that hes a jerk, because hes cheating on his girlfriend with you? – why are you a sideline hoe in the first place…

The problem is mainly because of the message portrayed by the media.. When we watch films – especially the Disney films, or films like Their Eyes Were On God, or Friends With Benefits.. Any guy that falls short of being perfect is a jerk.. Not all guys are mind readers, they dont know what you want – but females WANT a guy to just KNOW what they want. You dont want to give them any hint.. because in reality females dont know what they want anyway.. The media portrays roses as being romantic, but what if a girl doesnt like roses? Now youre both in a dilemma because neither party know what the female wants..

The media representations of what a perfect guy is is hard for a guy to live up to. Then, when they do manage to do something – i.e. write you a poem or love song we turn around a criticise them & call them “weak” & “not a real man” … What about the middle man? Not all women are perfect, yet they feel that they DESERVE a perfect man.. WHAT MAKES YOUR PUSSY SO DIFFERENT? you have to bring something different to the table other than good looks & good sex. Once you achieve this THEN you will deserve the perfect man.

Why Attractive People Find It Hard To Find Long-Term Relationships

Why Attractive People Find It Hard To Find Long-Term Relationships
strong jawline/high cheekbones

So, its 3 am, & ive been watching some psychology videos (as you do) & i came across this really interesting topic. A couple of years ago, a study was released in the UK that basically said that a woman could tell if a man would be a player or a potential husband just by looking at his face? sounds strange right? but heres the logic behind it.

Basically, the male hormone Testosterone has a major role to play in this. One of the things that testosterone affects is appearance. A male with high testosterone, is more likely to have a stronger jawline, a thicker/stronger brow ridge, higher cheekbones etc. Males also have the female hormone oestrogen, but not as much – males with high oestrogen will have softer features, such as a rounder face, softer forehead region etc. This study found that females can detect this at a sub-conscious level and from this, we make a decision if he is a suitable partner. Females reason that a male with more testosterone is more likely to be a player.

From an evolutionary perspective – and this is what really amazed me because these are the types I go for but never realised – a male with higher testosterone with more attractive features we see as a potential “player” because
                 (1) Being more attractive means he will have more female attention.
                 (2) The more female attention he has, the chances of him cheating rise
he could be the most faithful guy in the world but to potential partners it can still be a threat because of the competition. Some girls may be discouraged if they think they will have to fight over a guy.

We try to avoid this for the obvious reason of the threat of infidelity (your partner cheating) but ALSO, this is a theory i have come across in psychology before – its called Mate Guarding. This is basically something you will have seen before, its just the official name for it. An example of mate guarding in a nutshell, at a party for example, there is always that couple, & the boy is just right THERE – dancing with his girl. watching her from a far if he goes to get a drink, he’s trying NOT to leave her side. Other forms of this are constantly phoning them, and PDA’s (public displays of affection) .. Females do this as well, but in different forms.

So, if we see that a male is more attractive, we want to avoid having to Mate Guard because it can be very exhausting. If females are looking for a long-term commitment they will go for the softer looking male.

As for males, it works exactly the same way –
If a female is attractive, she’s more likely to get more attention, sub-consciously, this is interpreted as “more likely to cheat” and etc etc etc.

so, there you go. your answer in short, why attractive people find it harder to get into a relationship.

because I’m not peach…

because I’m not peach…
Trayvon Martin tribute

I hope everyone reading this has had a lovely day so far, because I plan to fuck it up.
I envy everyone who lives in large cities, London, Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool, Leeds. I hope this post opens your eyes to what is going on around you & I change you’re perception of the way you see things. For those who are not aware, we live in a world run by the white man & we have been, and still are being conditioned to hate anything that is not white.

It starts from a young age. Apparently, in some schools in London, children are no longer allowed to describe white children as “white”, but must call them “peach” & if they don’t they get in trouble. There is no equivalent rule for black people. So, from young kids these days have the idea of white people being like a peach. What are the connotations of a peach? Nice, sweet, fruit – healthy etc. What connotations are associated with black? Death, decay, evil, sad, depression. It may seem like nothing, but as I described in my post “are we an ignorant generation?”, these seeds are planted in our head & they sprout in the subconscious. Their self-esteem and sense of self-worth drops. But all this psychological talk is for another day. Watch this space – “The black cycle”..

Let me tell you the events that unravelled in the last 24 hours.

Incident #1 ~ I had a little drink up in my room – few drinks, 5 people, my room is slyly sound proof – the flats on the opposite side were having a LOUD kitchen party, music blaring. At my university, we have a Campus Watch, sort of like security. So, 11 o’clock, we were drinking, listening to music, none of my flatmates had a problem with it – some of them even joined in. So, at the same time, in the accommodation where I live, we have a bar – on this particular day, they were having their weekly night, so there was noise from there also. Around 12.30, a group of friends came, 5-6 Black boys. The music turned down cos I was sorting out drinks for them, talking etc etc, 20 minutes after they arrived – Campus Watch knocked on my room door. Not the front door of my flat .. MY ROOM. They said people were complaining about the noise. Bullshit, I have been blasting music since 9 o’clock, & you couldn’t even hear it from outside my flat door. The weekly night at the bar wasn’t even finished & people wanted to complain about my little get together? Campus Watch were watching my flat until 5am.

Furthermore, after everyone was told to leave, in the car park they saw a car that had dents all around it. They started laughing etc, & one of the Campus Watch security guards tried to accuse them of doing it. He then chased them all the way to the next college & kept harrassing them, saying they were suspicious & he needed a name then he would let them go. I came out shortly after & started arguing with him & asked why he needed a name – why couldn’t he just check the CCTV.. I ended up giving him my name.

That aside, the event that really put the icing on the cake was, the following afternoon, I had a dentist appointment. On arrival I went to go & sit in the waiting room, filling out forms, my friend (who is black) accompanied me & there were  a lot of people in the waiting room. I ended up sitting next to a primary school child, no older than around 7. As soon as I sat down he started squirming and fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair. I didn’t pay it much attention but eventually he had slid off his chair & was sitting on the floor in front of his mother, who was sat opposite us & 3 other children that were there had all huddled closely together. I didn’t think much of it, I was too busy with the forms etc. But when I left I realised what had happened. My friend had noticed too. Now, I’m not fully black, I’m mixed race but I currently have braids in my hair. It upset me that such a young child had already been conditioned to be prejudiced in such a way. What did he think I was going to do?

I currently live not too far from London, but the area is very quiet & there are very few ethnic minorities. From day 1 I noticed that walking around the city centre, I would get a lot of stares & people often held their possessions tighter when I walked past. I haven’t experienced such behaviour in such a long time, I used to live in Southern Germany & my family ended up moving practically to the other side of the globe from the abuse we used to receive.

Racism is not dead. Understandably. It has only been 2-3 generations since the Civil Rights Movement etc., and there are still some elderly people who are not used to the sudden burst of multiculturalism. Of course, racism is not exclusively directed at black people, though they do seem to be targeted a lot.

Anti-racism does not mean anti-white, there are a lot of white people who are against racism, it’s just a few bad apples that spoil the rest. Look at Trayvon Martin. if you are unaware of the situation, this video may enlighten you. Trayvon Martin Shot, Killed By Neighborhood Watch

Don’t hate on behalf of others

Don’t hate on behalf of others

Imagine this scenario… You have just moved into your new flat & naturally, you get to know your housemates. Let’s assume you get close to one of them but soon enough there’s someone that they don’t like. We’ve all experienced this in school, one of your friends doesn’t like someone, so, on their behalf you “dislike them too”, you ignore them & everything they seem to do begins to annoy you. This is not a good idea… Rather than conforming to your group & “disliking” this person who has done nothing towards you, you should get to know them & see whether you like them or not. You don’t have to but, they haven’t done anything to you.. Yes, you may have some instinctive behavioural inclination to protect those that are close to you. You’ve heard they did your friend wrong & you dislike them for this reason. But you have no reason to do this. If your friend is encouraging you to dislike them then maybe you should consider whether they are a good friend or not. Anyway, back to the scenario. We are assuming that you have just met this person & you are disliking someone on their behalf already – do not make this mistake. First of all, you have no idea what your “new flatmate” is like. More often times than not, they will have had a disagreement with this person & they may eventually compromise or agree to disagree and become good friends. Now you are left looking like an idiot..

WHY WE FEEL INCLINED TO DISLIKE OTHERS ON SOMEONES BEHALF

There are many reasons why we may hate someone, here’s a few I can think of.

1. Self Protection

in some cases, if we hear that someone has done something towards someone that we know – for example, I knew a girl once & one of her “friends” (Lets call her Beth) slept with her boyfriend – Beth then said “Yeah I slept with her man, I wanted to prove that I could get any man I wanted” … She had no shame, she wasn’t even sorry. Quite a few people, including myself were completely shocked & she lost a lot of friends. If you hear something like this, its not the actual act towards to victim that make you dislike a person, but the fear that that person may do the same to you. In this situation, they were very close friends & when she did what she did, that showed everyone that it didn’t matter if they were friends or not – she could do the exact same to you..
more over, in this situation, they made up again. The girl even took Beth on holiday with her. Now everyone hating on Beth looked like an idiot.

2. Protective Instincts

If you are close to someone & you hear someone has done something to do them its instinct to “protect your own”. When we are part of a group we feel a certain degree of loyalty to that group. Anyone outside that group is known as the out-group. Rather than other individual groups being a threat in their own, ANYTHING outside this group is just one big group. For example, we would perceive the police and a “rival gang” as exactly the same. At the end of the day they are not a part of your group. If someone threatens your group, especially if you have a strong loyalty, you’re more likely to want to protect them.

Partying Doesn’t Make You A Hoe

Partying Doesn’t Make You A Hoe

Going clubbing and going to house Parties does not make you a hoe, anymore than going to church makes you a Christian.

Some people need to go to a party once in a while.. Girls like to get dressed up – & its not for attention or anything like that, its so that we can feel good about ourselves. Its a self-esteem thing. If we get approached it makes us feel like we look good & if you judge that then you are just a hater of your own existence. Drink a little bit, dance with your legs wide open & show everyone your pum because you “forgot” to wear knickers. it DOESNT make you a hoe.

when it DOES make you a hoe is when you go with the intention of going home with a guy.

without fail, eyeballing man in the clubs so they can buy you drinks, cos i know you only brought out £20, to get into the club & then money for the taxi home. The type of girl that will go to a club with a group of her girlfriends & then 5 minutes of entering shes already whining on someone she doesnt know. THAT is what makes you a hoe. so stop judging these girls when they go out. You’re probably jealous cos they seem to be a having a better time than you.